Wikipedia:Peer review/Fann Wong/archive1

Fann Wong
Hello. I'm trying to get this article up to GA-status, and I could use any feedback you can give that could possibly improve it. Thanks in advance! - ryan  d  13:51, 21 December 2006 (UTC)
 * Nice, well written, and well cited article. Some suggestions:
 * Combine the '2003: Hollywood' and 'Recent years' section. '2003' is too short to be its one section. Can be combined to 'Recent years' or something else.
 * I'd be careful about your usage of the Dragon Eye Congee movie poster. I don't know if your usage there meets WP:FUC since there is not analysis of the movie in the section you are using it. Same thing for Girl, Illustrated.
 * What's the difference between 'Films' and 'Dramas'? Also, there should be some text in the Works section. There are too many consecutive blank subheadings.
 * There are a couple single sentence paragraphs that should either be combined or lengthened.--NMajdan &bull;talk 15:38, 21 December 2006 (UTC)
 * Thanks for your comments! 'Dramas' actually refers to 'television dramas' - on hindsight, it is kind of ambiguous, and I've since merged the two television sections together. I've also removed the iffy movie poster and moved the book image to a more relevant section. I'll be working on the rest of your comments soon. Once again, thanks for your help! - ryan  d  17:39, 21 December 2006 (UTC)

My 2 cents:
 * Do you really need to say her stage name first? Say her birth name.
 * Expand your lead to accomodate more of the information in the article.
 * Say "Singapore" not "Hakka." You're fully aware that Hakka links to an article about a Chinese ethnic group, right? It was horribly confusing to me.
 * Until I read the end of the sentence, I wasn't sure what you were trying to say. Instead of what you have there, say "Born in Singapore to Hakka middle-class tailor parents..."

Evan(Salad dressing is the milk of the infidel!) 20:37, 21 December 2006 (UTC)
 * I would check the spelling of the article. I think, if I'm right, that modeling is spelled with one l.
 * The prose could use a bit of a light check.
 * You overuse the charts.
 * Thanks for your feedback! I've read through your points and tried my best to address them:
 * Stage name vs. birth name: This has been changed. Thanks for pointing it out!
 * Lead: I'm working on it!
 * "Hakka": Thanks for pointing this out, I've replaced the sentence with your clearer one!
 * Spelling: "Modelling" is spelt with a single l in American English, but with two ls in British English. As an article about a Singaporean actress, I felt the Commonwealth English spelling would be most appropriate. But I'll run the article through spellcheck again to check for stray typos.
 * Prose: You're right, the prose is choppy and doesn't flow too well at parts. I'll work on it.
 * Charts: I thought the charts were cluttered, but I'm not sure how this can be changed and still maintain all the information in the article. Could you give some suggestions?
 * Again, thanks for your help :) - ryan  d  13:27, 22 December 2006 (UTC)

I left comments on the article's talk page. CyberAnth 00:02, 4 January 2007 (UTC)