Wikipedia:Peer review/Final Fantasy VII Advent Children/archive1

Final Fantasy VII Advent Children
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because it is one of the first film articles I have worked in, and I have various doubts about some sections such as the casting, the plot and if the official tie-ins section is adequate.

Thanks, Tintor2 (talk) 21:48, 6 August 2010 (UTC)
 * For most films, Rotten Tomatoes is a good indicator of critical reception, but based on only 6 reviews, it suffers from small sample size bias and ultimately doesn't really tell you anything about reception. Same for the other review aggregators. In this case, you might want to take a look at some of the reviews listed and incorporate them into the next paragraph where you detail specific reviewer comments (although that paragraph is looking a bit long too). If you can't fit them in comfortably, then just axe the review aggregators entirely since they don't provide useful data. Axem Titanium (talk) 01:10, 7 August 2010 (UTC)


 * Thanks. Removed aggregators. About the reviews, most of the ones shown in the reception section I got them from the aggregator site GameRankings. About adding reviews from Metacritic, I don't I should add the sites besides 1UP and IGN since I don't think those are WP:Reliable sources.Tintor2 (talk) 01:32, 7 August 2010 (UTC)
 * All the more reason to remove them entirely. I'll try to take a closer look at the article at some point soon. Thanks for stepping up and working on it. :) Axem Titanium (talk) 10:41, 7 August 2010 (UTC)

Comments:
 * 1st para seems really listy. Try to zero in on key people and trim the rest. You might then have some more room to explain what FFVII is (optional).
 * 2nd para: "It takes place", no antecedent in the new paragraph. "and set" --> "and is set". 2nd sentence tries to convey too many ideas in one sentence, break it up. The release info in the second half of this para might be swapped with the CoFFVII info from the first para which could be expanded to give more background on the events of FFVII that led to this film.
 * "positive and mixed" choose one. "got relatively better reviews" got is too informal.
 * Plot
 * 1st sentence tries to do too much again.
 * "While going to meet the Turks, a group that performs operations with the megacorporation Shinra, who have a job for him, Cloud is attacked by three men, Kadaj, Loz, and Yazoo, who believe that he has hidden their "mother"" - break it up
 * "survived to the events of the original title" huh?
 * "but fails as he Cloud refuses and leaves"
 * 2nd para has a lot of passive voice
 * "shoots them, damaging them" - awkward
 * "in pursuit of them ", also more passive voice and some grammar issues in this para
 * "Both prepare" who is both?
 * Production
 * Last 2 sentences of 1st para are a bit clunky and hard to understand
 * Has anyone copyedited the whole article? That might be the best immediate option. Axem Titanium (talk) 16:15, 12 August 2010 (UTC)