Wikipedia:Peer review/Fiona Graham/archive1

Fiona Graham
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because…

There are questions regarding whether the article deals appropriately with the subject's professional identity as a geisha in the light of Japanese cultural norms. Issues include the title of the article, which arguably should be her professional title and her age which is customarily not mentioned.

Thanks, User:Fred Bauder Talk 14:23, 11 August 2011 (UTC)

Brianboulton comments: This article is nowhere near ready for a full peer review which, per WP:PR is "intended for high-quality articles that have already undergone extensive work". Among the more obvious deficiencies in the present article are the following:-
 * The article does not say what a "geisha" is - surely an essential piece of information?
 * The prose is choppy, anecdotal and lacking a clear chronological flow. The article thus appears as a collection of incidents rather than a proper biography.
 * Some sections, e.g. "Academic career", are undeveloped. Others are inappropriately titled; for example, the section headed "Geisha training" has practically nothing in it about training.
 * The "Wanaka Gym court case and fine" section appears detached from and unrelated to the rest of the article
 * Per WP:LEAD, the lead section should provide a summary overview of the main article, rather than a few introductory statements.

If you are seriosly interested in producing a quality article, I suggest that as a preliminary to its proper development you take a look at  other biographical articles, to get some idea as to what is required. Brianboulton (talk) 23:40, 23 August 2011 (UTC)
 * Fred, this is not really the right venue for your questions, which I'm also concerned about, but before I take it to the article talk page I'm going to email you first. / ƒETCH COMMS  /  02:42, 26 August 2011 (UTC)