Wikipedia:Peer review/Freddie Mitchell/archive1

Freddie Mitchell
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review in order to get more feedback before nominating for FA in the future.

Thanks,  Eagles   24/7  (C)  02:17, 3 October 2011 (UTC)

Lead
 * Comments from Jenks24
 * I think it would be better if the lead could be split into three paragraphs. At the moment, the second para is quite lengthy.
 * ✅  Eagles   24/7  (C)


 * I'm fairly sure that quotes need to be footnoted, even if they are in the lead.
 * ✅  Eagles   24/7  (C)


 * "but declined to have arthroscopic surgery" – did the Chiefs decline the surgery, or did Mitchell?
 *  Eagles   24/7  (C)

Early years
 * I'm guessing it must be common for players to get drafted by the MLB, but then never really follow up on it? Still, is there any reason why he chose to focus on football rather than baseball?
 * Addressed.  Eagles   24/7  (C)

College career
 * The quote in the middle of para four needs a footnote. Same for the quote in the next para.
 * ✅  Eagles   24/7  (C)

Professional career
 * Is there a reason why he replaced Brown as slot receiver in 2001 (e.g. good form at training or poor form from Brown)?
 * Addressed.  Eagles   24/7  (C)


 * "in the regular season finale" – "finale" seems an odd wording choice to me. Why not "final" or "last" (obviously the sentence would have to be slightly tweaked if either of these are used)?
 * ✅  Eagles   24/7  (C)

Personal
 * "Mitchell and many other NFL players attended executive education programs at the Harvard Business School in April 2005." – does this need to be in the article at all? Seem irrelevant to me...
 *  Eagles   24/7  (C)

References
 * References like UCLA Athletics, ESPN.com, SportsLine.com, nfldraftscout.com, nfl.com, ktvu.com, Yahoo! Sports, scout.com, canoe.ca, Associated Press and nbcphiladelphia.com should not be italics. Also, it should be The New York Times, not New York Times.
 * ✅  Eagles   24/7  (C)

General
 * The only real issue I had with the article is that it's very repetitive in the career sections (college and professional). Every sentence seemed to be "On date X/week Y Mitchell played against team Z and recorded these statistics". I can't say I am terribly familiar with FAC, but I do know that the prose is required to be engaging and brilliant, and I'm afraid this article is not currently at that standard. Perhaps a look at some of the articles in Featured articles will give some pointers on how to vary the prose up a bit. All the best, Jenks24 (talk) 20:45, 24 October 2011 (UTC)