Wikipedia:Peer review/Genelia D'Souza/archive2

Genelia D'Souza
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because I would like to raise this article to FA status. Thanks, Xavier449 (talk) 15:09, 23 December 2010 (UTC)
 * Previous peer review

Ruhrfisch comments: I reviewed this about a year ago. I am glad to see it is GA, but think it still needs a lot of work before it would pass at FAC; here are some suggestions for improvement.
 * The most difficult of the FA criteria for most articles to meet is 1a, a professional level of English, and I think this needs a a very thorough copyedit before it would meet 1a.
 * As one example of a place where the text could be made much more concise, the caption D'Souza with her family at the CNBC Awaaz consumer awards in 2010. Seen here from left to right is her father Neil D'Souza, her mother Jeanette D'Souza, herself, and at the extreme right, her brother Nigel D'Souza. could just be The D'Souza family at the CNBC Awaaz consumer awards in 2010. Left to right: her father Neil, her mother Jeanette, Genelia, and her brother Nigel. Conciseness is also strongly encouraged by WP:CAPTION
 * I checked one source because I was looking for the name of the pharmaceutical firm her mother worked for. The source says "... her mother Jeanette, who gave up her job as a managing director with a pharma MNC in 2004 to help Genelia with her career..." but the article says "Her mother Jeanette D'Souza was formerly a secretary to managing director with a Pharma Multinational corporation (MNC), who left her job in 2004 to help Genelia with her career." So the osurce says her mother was a director, but the article says she was a secretary to a director (which the source does not support). I also think this sentence could be rewritten as something like this
 * Her mother Jeanette D'Souza left her job as a managing director with a multinational pharmaceutical corporation in 2004 "to help Genelia with her career".


 * Note that I made the last part a quotation (as I could not think of a good paraphrase).
 * Another problem sentence After appearing in her first Telugu movie in 2005, Naa Alludu, she starred in the Tamil romantic entertainer Sachein.[33] When I read this I thought it meant Naa Alludu was her very first movie in the Telegu language, but knew she had already made several such films.
 * So this needs a copyedit - there are people at WP:GOCE as well as at the bottom of WP:PR/V that may be able to help.
 * The article contradicts itself in places. For example this sentence In 2010, D'Souza appeared in Chance Pe Dance, Uthama Puthiran, and Orange, all three receiving poor reviews from critics.[64][65][66][67][68][69][70] is contradicted by the table at the end, which says Orange was a 2010 film, but the toher two were 2009 films.
 * The forthcoming films section should also give dates for the expected release of the films and probably should say when they were filmed.
 * I also wondered why, when I looked at the articles on two of the upcoming films, they had not been released yet (when they were supposed to be 2010 films). SInce her three 2010 films received poor reviews and two of her three upcoming films have been unexpectedly delayed in their releases, is her career in decline? This is probably a NPOV issue.
 * The lead seems a bit short to me - at the same time it seems odd for the lead to list all her sponsorships in the lead (for comparison, all of her films are not listed there)
 * Looking at the talk page there is a lot of controversy as to what year she was born in. My guess is that if you went back to print sources from early in her career, they might list a different age / birth date (since it is not unheard of for actresses to make themselves younger). In any case, since this is so controversial, the two possible birth years should probably be mentioned. The two possible birth places could also be mentioned if there are reliable sources for both.
 * Please make sure that the existing text includes no copyright violations, plagiarism, or close paraphrasing. For more information on this please see Wikipedia_Signpost/2009-04-13/Dispatches for more details

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). I do not watch peer reviews, so if you have questions or comments, please contact me on my talk page. Yours, Ruhrfisch &gt;&lt;&gt; &deg; &deg; 14:45, 1 January 2011 (UTC)

PS It looks like the article has all the basic subject matter for comprehensiveness (another FAC criterion), although there are places where some context could be provided for the reader. Examples would be brief descriptions of her films - this is done in some cases, but in others it is not done and just the linked title is given. See WP:PCR. Unfortunatley I do not have time to do a copyedit myself, and I also do not have time to point out every place where the language needs to be improved - sorry. If it would help, I can go through one section and try to point things out - just let me know on my talk page. Ruhrfisch &gt;&lt;&gt; &deg; &deg; 13:37, 2 January 2011 (UTC)