Wikipedia:Peer review/Go card/archive1

Go card
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because I like to see this article as a GA or FA and I like to see what other editors think on how this article can be improved.

Thanks, Gerry (talk) 05:45, 24 April 2010 (UTC)

Brianboulton comments: I don't want to discourage you, as I think you are a fairly new editor, but the prose here needs an awful lot of attention. I have read through the lead and history section; unfortunately there are errors or confusion in almost every sentence. I think the article needs a lot more work before it is ready for a proper peer review. It certainly does not justify a B or even a C rating as it stands. I have put through a few alterations, but I don't have time to rewrite the article. Here are some points needing attention; the remainder of the article will need to be gone through with care, to avoid the errors made in the earlier part.
 * Lead:
 * "In July 2003, Queensland Government was awarded the $134 million contract to design, build, operate and maintain the go card to Cubic Corporation." This wording makes no sense. Surely you mean "In July 2003, the Queensland Government awarded the $134 million contract to design, build, operate and maintain the go card system to Cubic Corporation."?
 * "The go card was rolled out throughout Brisbane in February 2008, the go card was available at almost 100 go card retailers..." etc. Multiple repetition of "go card" (twice using italics, the other time not). What does "rolled out" mean?
 * "Key criticisms upon the go card launch in early 2008 include the increased cost of travel for regular commuters..." Tense confusion (should be "included"). Should be criticisms after, not upon the go card launch.


 * History: very ragged prose in this section
 * First sentence is a repeat of the wording queried in the lead, above
 * If the contract was awarded in 2003, why are you saying "Queensland Transport will turn over all ticketing system operations..." etc? Presumably this is something that has happened by now.
 * "underwent" is one word.
 * "Central or Roma Street stations." What is "or" doing here?
 * "The go card was rolled out throughout Brisbane in February 2008, the go card was available at almost 100 go card retailers, selected QR Citytrain stations, over the phone or online." This is not a sentemce, it's a jumble of information that needs proper organisation. Perhaps something like: "The go card was rolled out throughout Brisbane in February 2008, and made available at almost 100 go card retailers and selected QR Citytrain stations. It could also be accessed by phone or online."
 * "As of the of June 1 2008" ???
 * "To encourage the use of the go card, from 4 August 2008 all go card trips received a minimum 20% discount off paper tickets and regular users who travel more than 10 trips will received additional discount of 50% off the price of further travel within a one week (resets every Monday) period" Another convoluted sentence with basic grammar errors. What I suppose it to mean is something like this: "To encourage the use of the go card, from 4 August 2008 all go card trips received a minimum 20% discount off paper ticket prices. Regular users who made more than 10 journeys within a week received an additional discount of 50% off the price of  these extra journeys."
 * Following sentence should read: "To encourage the use of the go cards during 2010, TransLink are giving away 400,000 free go cards loaded with $10 credit."

Brianboulton (talk) 21:45, 30 April 2010 (UTC)
 * All, thanks for the review. Gerry (talk) 04:07, 1 May 2010 (UTC)