Wikipedia:Peer review/Haflinger (horse)/archive1

Haflinger (horse)
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because I would like to take it to FAC in the relatively near future, and would like some more feedback on it before that. It went through a GA review back in 2008, but has been significantly expanded since then. Comments specifically on excess horse jargon and prose would be appreciated.

Thanks, Dana boomer (talk) 17:38, 15 September 2010 (UTC)

Finetooth comments: Well-done article, excellent images. Being a non-horse person, I can't say for sure that it's comprehensive, but it seems so to me. I found and fixed some small errors and MoS glitches, and I have just a few other suggestions, as follows:

Lead
 * "and by 1904 the first breeder's cooperative was formed" - Should that be "breeders' "?
 * Fixed.  Montanabw (talk) 07:40, 20 September 2010 (UTC)


 * "The breed is well-muscled, but with an elegant appearance." - Tighten to "The breed is well-muscled but elegant"?
 * Fixed.  Montanabw (talk) 07:40, 20 September 2010 (UTC)


 * "as well as various under-saddle disciplines" - "Under-saddle" is linked to "equestrian" in the "Uses" section. Should it be linked here?
 * Flipped wikilinks to first appearance.  Montanabw (talk) 07:44, 20 September 2010 (UTC)

World Wars
 * "a Sardinian/Arabian cross stallion" - The front slash and the word "cross" are a bit awkward. Would "a crossbred stallion (part Sardinian and part Arabian)" be better?
 * Made a hyphenate; Sardinian-Arabian.  Montanabw (talk) 07:16, 20 September 2010 (UTC)


 * "The year 1931 saw another breeders' cooperative established in East Tyrol, and the achievement of Haflinger breeding having spread throughout the entire Tyrolean province." - Since years don't literally see, a slight re-write might be better. Suggestion: "In 1931, a breeders' cooperative was established in East Tyrol, and Haflinger breeding spread throughout the entire Tyrolean province."
 * Fixed.  Montanabw (talk) 07:40, 20 September 2010 (UTC)


 * "All crossbred horses and colts not of breeding quality were able to be sold to the Army" - Tighten by changing "were able to be sold" to "could be sold"?
 * Fixes.  Montanabw (talk) 07:40, 20 September 2010 (UTC)

21st century
 * "where state studs own the stallions" - Word missing? Can studs own stallions?
 * A "stud" is a facility (i.e. a farm). A stallion "stands at stud" -- so yes, a stud can own a stallion.  Hope that clarifies matters.   Montanabw (talk) 07:16, 20 September 2010 (UTC)   Also wikilinked.   Montanabw (talk) 07:44, 20 September 2010 (UTC)


 * "found that although there was a very proportion of inbreeding in the population" - Word missing"
 * Did a minor rephrase (Dana, double check my edit on this, hope it's OK)  Montanabw (talk) 07:40, 20 September 2010 (UTC)
 * Yup, looks good. I added a "very" before the "small" that you added because the amount is infintesimal. Dana boomer (talk) 01:02, 21 September 2010 (UTC)


 * "although other nations' registries have not yet entered a decision on the topic" - Is that still true in 2010?
 * Dana needs to verify this one.  Montanabw (talk) 07:40, 20 September 2010 (UTC)
 * As far as I can tell, this is still true. I'm basically trying to prove a negative, because so far none of the other registries have said anything about the topic. It's like they're all sticking their heads in the sand and hoping no one actually tries to register such as horse. Dana boomer (talk) 01:02, 21 September 2010 (UTC)

Breed characteristics
 * "athletic with a natural tendency to be off the forehand" - I'm getting more familiar with horse terminology by reviewing horse articles, but "off the forehand" is one I haven't encountered before. Could it be linked or briefly explained?
 * The concept here is that horses are more athletic if they are light in the front, shift their weight back and use their hindquarters more for impulsion...the source probably phrased it that way, which is a little weird even by horse lingo standards. Dana may have to see how the source uses the phrase; we may be able to make it a little less awkward.  Montanabw (talk) 07:16, 20 September 2010 (UTC)  Rephrased to "light on the forehand."  Might still be gibberish to the non-horse crowd, but more standard lingo within the horse world.  May be room for further improvement,  others sure can fiddle with it some more.   Montanabw (talk) 07:40, 20 September 2010 (UTC)
 * Linked to forehand (horse). Does that clear up the confusion? Dana boomer (talk) 01:02, 21 September 2010 (UTC)

Other


 * The Commons link should be moved down to the "External links" section.
 * Fixed Montanabw (talk) 07:40, 20 September 2010 (UTC)


 * The dab tool finds three dabs.
 * Which ones?? Oh, got it, fixing...  Montanabw (talk) 07:40, 20 September 2010 (UTC) DANA:  Check my fix on Bozen, I think the correct one is the one now in northern Italy, not the one in Switzerland.   Montanabw (talk) 07:47, 20 September 2010 (UTC)

I hope these suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider reviewing another article, especially one from the PR backlog at WP:PR; that is where I found this one. I don't usually watch the PR archives or check corrections or changes. If my comments are unclear, please ping me on my talk page. Finetooth (talk) 04:26, 20 September 2010 (UTC)
 * Thanks Finetooth! Great review, as always! Dana boomer (talk) 01:02, 21 September 2010 (UTC)