Wikipedia:Peer review/Hammurabi/archive1

Hammurabi
All types of comments welcome. Beginning this on the process of getting it to FA, and in any case it's a core biography so it's pretty important to get it right. Mocko13 03:26, 17 February 2007 (UTC)


 * Please see automated peer review suggestions here. Thanks, APR t 20:40, 19 February 2007 (UTC)

Awadewit
I think this is a good introduction to Hammurabi and I'm glad someone has taken it up since Hammurabi is such an important figure. I have a few suggestions. Unfortunately, I can't really speak to the accuracy or comprehensiveness of the article as I know very little about Hammurabi. Awadewit 08:00, 22 February 2007 (UTC)
 * In the lead, I'm not sure that saying Babylonia attained a "hegemony" over Mesopotamia is NPOV. "Hegemony" usually has a negative connotation. Also, the phrase "his successors were unable to hold on to the lands he subdued" seems slightly NPOV as well - it is the word "subdued." (The word "hegemony" appears again later in the article.)
 * I am curious as to why it is necessary to mention in the lead that Hammurabi appears on buildings in the United States. Surely he appears on buildings in other parts of the world - why are we singling out the United States?
 * You write that "Mesopotamia was a cultural melting pot" - this sounds a little colloquial. Might you simply list which cultures made up Mesopotamia? That would also be more informative.
 * "Hammurabi used the time to undertake a series of public works, both for defensive and religious purposes." - is any more information available on this? It is rather vague as it stands.
 * "Angered by Larsa's failure to come to his aid, Hammurabi turned immediately after the fall of Elam and conquered Larsa and the entirety of the southern Mesopotamian plain by 1763 BC." - awkwardly worded sentence - it just seems to keep going
 * For someone unfamiliar with this history, it is hard to follow all of takeovers. Would a map be possible, showing Hammurabi's conquests or at least where all of this is taking place?
 * Please briefly define "stela" for the uninitiated.
 * "This stela was later removed as plunder to the Elamite capital Susa, where it was rediscovered in 1901 and now stands in the Louvre Museum." - awkwardly phrased sentence; What about something like this: "This stela was plundered by the Elamites and removed to their capital Susa; it was rediscovered there in 1901 [by ?] and is now in the Louvre." Just a suggestion.
 * Perhaps you could add a bit more on the code since that is the reason he is considered worthy of a core biography?
 * Surely there must be more depictions of Hammurabi as a lawgiver than just the US ones you list in the "Legacy and depictions" section?
 * In the "Notes," I don't believe it is necessary to include the word "Page." Usually, one just includes the author and the page number. Also, perhaps the notes could be in a smaller size font so that they do not take up so much of the page?
 * In the "References" section I noticed that you did not include the publication location. I know that this is optional. I always like to include as much information for the reader as possible and libraries ask for it if you are requesting a book through interlibrary loan.