Wikipedia:Peer review/Harmon Killebrew/archive1

Harmon Killebrew
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because while I think it is deserving of its GA status, it needs some more work before I take it to FAC. I'd like to see what else needs to be done with this guy so that it's as ready as it can be.

Thanks, Wizardman  20:26, 9 August 2009 (UTC)
 * #1: picture. I've heard he gets out to presentations and stuff - surely someone could get a picture of him.  Has anyone tried contacting him?  I found a couple on Flickr but they're non-commercial.  Maybe someone can contact that photographer and ask if they can change the license on one of those?   Wknight94  talk  21:04, 9 August 2009 (UTC)
 * I asked about both the recent ones and am waiting for a response. I may ask about too, only haven't yet since based on the photostream, I can't tell if the person has actually taken these photos.  Wizardman  21:38, 9 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Done. Wizardman  02:40, 22 August 2009 (UTC)


 * Review - 1. Lead. Add the year that he was brought into the HoF. Clarify the time frame of the second paragraph. Alternate his name with "he" - you tend to bunch up a bunch of "he"s in a row or his name in a row. The third paragraph has "cleared", which might not be understood by a non-familiar individual. Also, use a few more compound sentences to spice things up - the last two sentences, for instance, could be bridge with an "and" instead of just declarative statement followed by declarative statement. 2. Early life and school. I don't see anything major. 3. Major league career. Washington seems fine. The one sentence paragraph in Breakout season seems awkward on its own. Fine a way to make the paragraphing more uniform. Same with Minnesota. 4. The personal life section seems awkward all the way down at the bottom and so small. Perhaps you should integrate it into the first section and rename it. 5. Tape measure. Move the second paragraph to follow the first so the intro doesn't dangle. Also, conform "one red-painted seat from the Met" with "The red chair". It took me awhile to find out a connection of the image with the text. Also, it is a little confusing how it is placed at the location of the homerun when it is inside the MoA. Ottava Rima (talk) 16:28, 10 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Most concerns addressed, will finish tomorrow. Wizardman  02:40, 22 August 2009 (UTC)