Wikipedia:Peer review/Hartford City Glass Company/archive1

Hartford City Glass Company
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review for two reasons. First, I would like to eventually submit it for Good Article or Featured Article. Second, it may need to be split into two articles. The Hartford City Glass Company existed from 1890 until the Fall of 1899, when it was purchased by a glass trust. The plant continued to operate until 1929 as plant number 3 of the glass trust. Currently, the article covers 1890 through 1929. I could split it into Hartford City Glass Company (covering 1890-1899), and American Window Glass plant number 3 (covering 1899-1929)—but it would seem odd for a Wikipedia article to be about one factory in a glass trust that owned 50 to 80 companies/factories. Factory number 3 was the USA's largest window glass plant west of Pennsylvania, and the third largest in the country.

Thanks, TwoScars (talk) 22:03, 24 February 2013 (UTC)

— btphelps (talk) (contribs) 21:55, 17 March 2013 (UTC)
 * Thank you so much for taking the time to review the article. It looks like I still have a lot of work to do.  A couple of general questions about the changes made by the bot.  First, I thought the "pages" in the cite book template used in Cited Works was for the total number of pages in the book, not a specific page in the book.  The reference section specifies the specific page (or pages) in the Cited Works.  Should I delete the "pages"/"page" in Cited Works entirely, is it OK as is now, or should it be pages?  Second, I believe a reviewer once made me remove web access dates for books, even if I linked to them using Google Books.  Is it best to use access dates for every link to the web?  Also, the footnotes under References may refer to more than one page in the book, but the web link in the Cited Works section can only link to one of the pages.  Is that OK?


 * No problem, others have done the same for me. Hope I wasn't too critical. I'm kind of a nut case when it comes to passive voice. It makes it so much harder to understand something in my opinion.
 * I was surprised by the bot changes to the "pages" parameter as well. I believe that parameter refers to the single page in the document that contains the information used for the citation. Check the template documentation itself for confirmation on usage. I'd keep the page= parameter.
 * I've never heard of the practice of not using accessdate= for book references. I don't know why that would be, and I don't recall seeing that in the WP Manual of Style. If you're ever unsure about the validity of anyone's comments—including mine!—please refer to the MOS.
 * Please sign your comments with four tildes ( ~ ) so it's easier to track. You also might consider placing a check mark adjacent to items as you complete them, or  if you choose to ignore that input. It'll help you track what you've done.
 * BTW, I don't think there's enough info to justify two articles at this time. — btphelps (talk) (contribs) 01:31, 21 March 2013 (UTC)
 * I will address all of your comments, and I appreciate them! I work full time, have a 80 minute commute each way, and it is tournament time—so it may take while, but it will be done. TwoScars (talk) 16:26, 23 March 2013 (UTC)

Comments
Generally a well-written article except given your obvious expertise, you've failed to explain some basic information and provide enough context for the non-initiated. It includes a nice selection of illustrations.


 * The initial heading "Indiana Gas Boom" doesn't immediately give the context of the energy boom to the article topic. How about choosing a more relevant heading text, like "Cheap energy draws manufacturers" or "Manufacturers drawn to Indiana". Even better, start by describing the notability of the plant in its size and the large French-speaking Belgian population it attracted, and then make the connection to the ready presence of natural gas in the region.
 * Changed header to Manufacturers drawn to Indiana. Edited text in Hartford City subsection, and mentioned its population growth. TwoScars (talk) 23:18, 23 March 2013 (UTC)


 * The images vary in size and dimension, negatively affecting the visual look of the article. How about placing some of the odd-sized images like the stained-glass windows on the left side? And resizing the stained-glass image and the Hartford City Glass Co drawing so they are scaled the same?
 * I will work on that last, after changes are made to the text. One of the challenges are the different types of screens.  My widescreen laptop and my square-screened PC space the images differently.  Sometimes what looks good on one screen looks terrible on the other.
 * The default size of images are affected by your (user > preferences > appearance tab) for "Image size limit" and "Thumbnail size".— btphelps (talk) (contribs) 01:39, 21 March 2013 (UTC)
 * Made the larger images smaller, and added two more images. TwoScars (talk) 20:38, 20 April 2013 (UTC)


 * Better and more headings
 * Add more sub-heads to make the content more accessible to readers.
 * Six sub-headings added. TwoScars (talk) 20:38, 20 April 2013 (UTC)
 * Break up the existing sections with 2 or more descriptive subheads.
 * Done for two sections. TwoScars (talk) 20:38, 20 April 2013 (UTC)
 * Make the existing headings more descriptive.
 * Changed "Plant number 3" to "American Window Glass", and changed changed "Gas Boom" to "Manufacturers drawn to Indiana".
 * "Plant number 3" is really about the Lubbers blowing machine and the company's competitive position and it's profits. The heading isn't descriptive of the content. I prefer verbs in my headings, though some editors I've interacted with feel verbs aren't appropriate for an encyclopedia. I believe in this instance common sense dictates giving the reader info they need to make sense of the content.
 * Changed "Plant number 3" to "American Window Glass", and added two sub-sections including one named Lubbers machine. Also added image of one of Lubbers' patents. TwoScars (talk) 20:38, 20 April 2013 (UTC)


 * Reorganize the info about Heagany's background in chronological sequence leading to the founding of the company.
 * Done. TwoScars (talk) 18:23, 24 March 2013 (UTC)


 * "With a capacity of 30 pots..." What's a "pot" and what's a "tank"? The concept of a pot is central to the plant's capacity in either pots or tanks, but you explain a central concept only partially in Note 5.
 * Added "Each pot, located inside the furnace, contained the batch of ingredients to be melted into molten glass. The glass blower and his crew would have a workstation adjacent to a pot." to main text. Notes 4 and 5 discuss pots and tanks. TwoScars (talk) 20:44, 20 April 2013 (UTC)


 * Eliminate duplicate content: "Summer shutdowns at glass factories were normal because the extreme heat caused by glassmaking, combined with warm summer temperatures, could make working conditions almost unbearable. Since the worst working conditions were in the summer months, shutdowns for maintenance (or for manipulation of inventories) generally occurred during the hottest days of the summer."
 * Fixed. TwoScars (talk) 20:38, 20 April 2013 (UTC)


 * Use the template to show a current-day value for the payroll figure of "$45,000 per month." This will give readers more context as to the value of the payroll, as in  "or $0 in today's dollars"
 * Done for payroll and both expansions. TwoScars (talk) 01:38, 21 April 2013 (UTC)


 * Avoid passive tense, as in this instance: "The summer shutdown for 1895 was during July and August." Instead, try, "Management shut the plant down during July and August 1985 for its summer break."
 * Fixed this instance. TwoScars (talk) 17:25, 30 April 2013 (UTC)


 * Use the undefined undefined template to convert units of measure for non-U.S. readers, for example, "2 million square feet", "covered 25 acres", and "85 feet long, 18 feet wide, and 6 feet deep".
 * Done. TwoScars (talk) 17:25, 30 April 2013 (UTC)


 * Avoid weak verbs, as in "The first step of the process involved the creation of ..." Instead, try "In the first step, the glass-blower created..."
 * Clarify: "over one third of the city's population was dependent upon Hartford City Glass..." Dependent on it for what? Glass?
 * Inserted the word "financially" in front of the word dependent. TwoScars (talk) 20:51, 20 April 2013 (UTC)


 * Population: You mention this three times in one context or another, but the reader never learns how big Hartford City is. "Assuming each worker had a family of 5, over one third of the city's population..." Is this 200 or 2000 people? Give some context. What was Hartford's population at the time?
 * Hartford City's population now discussed in Hartford City subsection. TwoScars (talk) 18:23, 24 March 2013 (UTC)


 * Avoid wordiness:
 * "Since the religion of choice for most Belgians was Catholicism, it is no coincidence that the city's Catholic church remained on the south side." Try, "Most Belgians were Catholic and they built the city's largest Catholic church near their homes on the city's south side."
 * Fixed. TwoScars (talk) 17:25, 30 April 2013 (UTC)
 * "The company also had a technological advantage. American Window Glass plants used a machine, known as the Lubbers blowing machine, although it was not immediately utilized at all plants." Try, "Some American Window Glass plants had a technological advantage over their competition. They used the Lubbers blowing machine ... [add the advantage the machine offered here]."
 * Added a section on the Lubbers machine. Also added an image of one of Lubbers' patents, with link to Google patents. TwoScars (talk) 17:25, 30 April 2013 (UTC)


 * Avoid using commas before "and" unless there are two or more clauses, as in this instance: "...was a native of France, and was..."
 * Provide a bit more context to concepts like "One tank required 4 flattening ovens and a cutting room". You give the dimension of a tank, but not of the related elements. Does this mean the plant needed a lot more space -- are these ovens and flattening rooms big? Do they impact employment or energy use?
 * "... ownership was not satisfied with the concessions requested of the city"... this is awkwardly phrased. Concessions requested by management, or concessions requested by the city? Are you referring to contractual requirements or things one party was asking of the other?
 * Reworded text. Many companies in the area were "enticed" to move by cash, free land, and free natural gas.  Unfortunately, some companies would ask for more "freebies" later on.


 * "During the first half of 1899, work proceeded to organize a glass trust ..." Work at this plant? By whom? Your use of passive tense here is confusing. "The plan was for the trust..." Whose plan? What was the advantage that would encourage this plant's owners to join the trust?
 * Reworded all three paragraphs in the Acquisition section.


 * You devote a whole paragraph to an unfulfilled rumor: "During the spring of 1900, rumors circulated..." Why? If it's so important, tell why.
 * You repeat this fact three times: "...third-largest window glass plant in the United States".
 * Will try to reword that. The top three plants upgraded a lot, sometimes the Hartford City plant was 1 or 2—but usually 3.
 * Then say that, for example, "The plant was for the next 30 years either the first, second or third-largest window glass plant in the U.S." — btphelps (talk) (contribs) 01:39, 21 March 2013 (UTC)


 * You repeat this fact twice: "natural gas as a fuel source..."
 * Fixed. Natural gas is very important.  It is the only reason the glass factories in the region existed.  However, it is now mentioned as a fuel source only once for the Hartford City Glass plant (Infrastructure section) and once for the Kokomo plant (Organization and management section). The word fuel is mentioned 3 times:  in Manufacturers drawn to Indiana, in Organization and management (Kokomo plant discussion), and in Infrastructure (HC plant). TwoScars (talk) 17:12, 2 May 2013 (UTC)


 * Give readers the opportunity to read about related info. Use more internal wikilinks to subjects like:
 * Pennsylvania Railroad
 * Kokomo, Indiana
 * natural gas
 * glass blowing
 * glass production
 * glass


 * Give more context to your notes. They assume the reader knows the subject, as in:
 * "Dale lists 7 glass factories ..." Who's Dale? You might say, "In the 1902 Hartford city directory, George Dale..."
 * Fixed—A 1902 Hartford City directory lists.... TwoScars (talk) 15:51, 23 March 2013 (UTC)
 * "Paquette discusses ..." Who's Paquette? Your Note 2 doesn't explain why the info is relevant or useful.
 * Addressed—For more detail on 1880s glassmaking, see Appendix A in Jack Paquette's Blowpipes book. Paquette, a former Vice President of Owens–Illinois Glass Company, has written at least 3 books on the glass industry. TwoScars (talk) 16:26, 23 March 2013 (UTC)


 * References 33, 34, and 54 contain parenthetical notes, e.g., "(column on far left)". This direction isn't helpful since there's no link to the reference. I'd leave it out.
 * Will comment these out. I thought it would help anyone that wanted to find the newspaper article. In the 1890s, some of the small town newspapers would print a little "blurb" without any heading. TwoScars (talk) 16:26, 23 March 2013 (UTC)
 * Commented those out instead of removing—in case a reviewer has trouble finding the newspaper article. TwoScars (talk) 22:19, 23 March 2013 (UTC)


 * You mix Notes and References in a confusing manner. References 17, 18, 21, 47, 50, 51, 54, 55, 56, 58, 60, 63, and 69 all contain text that could be a note. I'm not sure about the purpose of the extended excerpts. Are they to add credibility or context to the references without links? If so, there's no consistency, because many other un-linked references aren't accompanied by extended excerpts.
 * Will comment the quotes out and integrate into text where helpful. TwoScars (talk) 16:28, 23 March 2013 (UTC)
 * Quotes commented out (it helps me and reviewers to keep as comments). Added to text if useful. TwoScars (talk) 20:51, 20 April 2013 (UTC)

In summary:

— btphelps (talk) (contribs) 01:43, 21 March 2013 (UTC)
 * In an encyclopedia article using "formal writing, active voice is preferred." The article would benefit overall by using active voice throughout.
 * Avoid writing as if the reader understands the topic.
 * If Notes or excerpts in references add to the readers' context, integrate the content into the article body. Don't make the reader hunt for pertinent info or try to figure out how it relates to the topic. Make the connections between pieces of relevant information seamless and easy to find.
 * Omit needless words.