Wikipedia:Peer review/Hazara people/archive1

Hazara people
I've listed this article for peer review because… the article has rapidly expanded in the past week and has much improved but now needs to be peer reviewed for grammar mostly. It has a potential to be nominated for Good article status but first a peer review should be done.

Thanks,

Padmanii (talk) 06:28, 28 December 2007 (UTC)

Review by Puchiko
Overall, the article is pleasant reading, and a GA should be possible with minor corrections. Honestly, the article is a fine one. It has some problems with grammar and references, but it contains all the necessary information. Great work! Puchiko (Talk-email) 00:02, 29 December 2007 (UTC)
 * References-I can't stress this one enough. You must get rid of the ugly next to the Australia population and in the orgins section. In general, try to add more references.
 * The lead could use some expansion.
 * What's the plural of Hazara? I have seen both "Hazara" and "Hazaras" used within the article. In my suggested rewordings, I have put "s" in brackets. You should probably find out what's correct before applying these changes.
 * One sentence paragraphs are generally discouraged. Eliminate/expand/merge the Etymology section. The information is clearly important, and must stay, but it can't have its own section unless you can write a full paragraph about it.
 * One theory states that the Hazara have Mongolian origins... To WP:Avoid weasel words, you should probably use According to ______________ Hazara(s) are of Mongolian origins... In summary, make clear who is making that claim. Same goes for It is commonly believed that the Hazara are descendants of the armies and settlers of Genghis Khan's Mongolians... and Some sources say he drove out the Uzbeks...
 * This chromosome is virtually absent outside the limits of the Mongol Empire except among the Hazara people, where it reaches its highest frequency anywhere. Sounds awkward.
 * Put the whole modern history section into the past tense. You should also recheck the neutrality of the section.
 * Many young Hazara are studying in developed countries such as Australia, legally through education or work visas. Should probably be Many young Hazara(s) are studying in developed countries, such as Australia, legally, through education or work visas. Not sure though. Also, a source would be nice.
 * There are many Afghanistani Hazara who have migrated to developed countries especially in Australia as refugees. should probably be: Many Afghanistani Hazara(s) have migrated to developed countries, especially to Australia, as refugees. Also, it should probably be sourced.
 * In Pakistan most of the Hazaras live in and around the city of Quetta and hold high positions in the government of Balochistan.  In its current state, the sentence says that most Pakistani Hazara(s) hold high postions in the Balochistan goverment. Try rewording this to make its original meaning clearer. Again, include a source.
 * In Pakistan, Hazaras are mostly in business and have high education levels. Try: Most Hazaras in Pakistan work in business, and are highly educated. And a source would be great.
 * The sections "Religion" and "Hazara tribes" are extremely short. Try expanding them, or merging them into other sections.
 * A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style. If you would find such a review helpful, please click here. Ruhrfisch &gt;&lt;&gt; &deg; &deg; 02:50, 5 January 2008 (UTC)

I have change the item you mentioned above, please review it again. &#124; - &#124;azaraBoyz (talk) 21:07, 26 September 2009 (UTC)