Wikipedia:Peer review/Helen Shiller/archive1

Helen Shiller
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because I intend eventual GA.

Thanks, Hugh (talk) 05:23, 6 January 2012 (UTC)

Comments: done Hugh (talk) 04:23, 11 January 2012 (UTC) done Hugh (talk) 04:23, 11 January 2012 (UTC) done Hugh (talk) 04:23, 11 January 2012 (UTC) done Hugh (talk) 02:38, 12 January 2012 (UTC) done Hugh (talk) 04:23, 11 January 2012 (UTC) done Hugh (talk) 03:26, 12 January 2012 (UTC) done Hugh (talk) 04:23, 11 January 2012 (UTC) it is a quote from the subject of the article, attribution added in text Hugh (talk) 04:23, 11 January 2012 (UTC)
 * Lead is too short, it should summarize the article, see WP:LEAD
 * There should be information about date of birth and place of birth, see again LEAD
 * Remove the flag icon in the infobox, see WP:MOSFLAG
 * One-sentence sections should be merged somewhere or expanded
 * Replace cn templates with references
 * The prose does not flow, eg too many short sentences which should be merged with other.
 * Avoid external links in text, see WP:EL.
 * Avoid non-neutral words, eg "absurd ", see WP:WTA, WP:NPOV
 * I can't see the picture File:HelenShiller.jpg in
 * Do not link publishers in references; non-printed sources should be de-italicized, see MOS:ITALICS
 * Do not link the same article multiple times, see WP:OVERLINKING
 * The article generally needs copediting. You can request one at WP:GOCE/REQ
 * Just a few examples regarding the prose:
 * You have "Schiller ... Shilller ... Shiller's ... Shiller's" in the first section. How about you rewrite it like this: "Shiller was born to middle-class home owners in 1947[2] and raised on Long Island[3] in New York.[1]"
 * "Her father "perfected fake suede."" - how is that important? Write only important aspects, and remove anything unrelated, see WP:TRIVIA

These are the major factors. Once you fix those, this article will have better potential at GAN. Regards.-- ♫GoP♫ T C N 12:34, 10 January 2012 (UTC)

Thanks for the notes! Hugh (talk) 04:23, 11 January 2012 (UTC)