Wikipedia:Peer review/Helmut Wick/archive1

Helmut Wick
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because I just expanded the article. Please let me know how to further improve the article.

Thanks, MisterBee1966 (talk) 05:12, 26 October 2011 (UTC)

Finetooth comments: Thank you for your work on this article, which reads well and is interesting. If you plan to seek promotion for the article, the heavy reliance on Ringlstetter (22 of 37 citations) could be a problem. Reading everything you can find about Wick and making sure you haven't left out anything important or interesting is what I recommend, but you may have already done so. Sometimes a few sources are all that exist. Here are a few other thoughts and suggestions:

Lead
 * "He was shot down in combat in the vicinity of the Isle of Wight on 28 November 1940 and is missing in action since. At this time... " - I assume that "missing in action" is technically correct, but it seems odd to still think of him as missing in action in 2011. Could something like "presumed dead" be added? Or perhaps "was listed as missing in action"?


 * "credited with 56 aerial victories" - I think it would be helpful to briefly explain what exactly is meant by "aerial victory". This might best fit in a note giving an extended definition. It seems to me that an individual pilot could be credited with an aerial victory even if other planes in the same group were "aerial losses", but I'm not sure. I'm also not sure what counts as an aerial victory. For example, if an enemy plane breaks off an engagement and runs for home, is that counted as an aerial victory? Or does the enemy plane have to crash?


 * "He claimed all of his aerial victories against the Western Allies flying the Messerschmitt Bf 109." - This might at first glance be misunderstood to mean that the Western Allies were flying the Messerschmitt. Maybe, "Flying the Messerschmitt Bf 109, he... "?

Early life and pre-war service
 * "Due to the demand for his father's skills and expertise building roads and bridges, he spent most of his childhood traveling throughout the German Reich." - Just to be utterly clear, I'd use "Wick" rather than "he". Otherwise "he" might be misunderstood to refer to "his father".


 * "Wick had failed to pass the third course... " - Could this be made more specific? What did the third course consist of?

Battle of Britain


 * "was entered in the Orders and Decorations' section of one's Service Record Book" - Wikipedia articles generally avoid using the pronoun "one". An acceptable substitute would be "was entered in the Orders and Decorations' section of a pilot's Service Record Book" or something similar.


 * "two closest rivals Major Adolf Galland and Oberstleutnant Werner Mölders" - "Oberstleutnant" and "Werner Mölders" do not have to be linked again since they were linked in earlier sections. In general, I would link terms no more than once in the lead plus no more than once in the main text unless there is some special reason to do so.


 * "After giving this topic some thought he asked Reichsmarschall Hermann Göring... " - "Reichsmarschall" and "Herman Göring" should not be linked twice in this section.

Death
 * File:Bf109E4 Wick Gr.Ko.gelb kl.96.jpg flies out of the page. It would look better if positioned on the right so that the plane flies into the page. The text box could then move to the left side for balance, if you like.


 * Herbert Ringlstetter's name, copyright symbol, and web address should be removed from the Bf 109 E-4 image.


 * "Spotting a flight of Spitfires climbed to intercept from a more favorable attack position." - Word missing? The sentence doesn't make sense as it stands.


 * "In a diving to attack Wick shot down and killed Pilot Officer Paul A. Baillon... " - This sentence doesn't make sense either. Delete "a" and add a comma maybe: "In diving to attack, Wick shot down..."?


 * Link "Isle of Wight" only once, on first use.


 * "for Helmut Wick in vain.[25] Helmut Wick," - Maybe just "Wick" in both places rather than "Helmut Wick" since there is no confusion about who you mean.

Awards
 * Since the awards are all mentioned in other sections, I don't think you need this section.

Bibliography
 * The first entry is a bit mysterious. It appears that "Helmut Wick - das Leben eines Fliegerhelden - Scherl, Berlin" is an article title. If so, it should appear in quotation marks, and it would be helpful to include the page numbers, if possible.


 * The second entry is also mysterious. Is "Horrido" a book title?


 * If books and articles are important enough to include in the bibliography, perhaps they are important enough to cite directly.

I hope these suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider commenting on any other article at WP:PR. I don't usually watch the PR archives or make follow-up comments. If my suggestions are unclear, please ping me on my talk page. Finetooth (talk) 02:59, 3 November 2011 (UTC)
 * Please make sure that the existing text includes no copyright violations, plagiarism, or close paraphrasing. For more information on this please see Wikipedia_Signpost/2009-04-13/Dispatches. (This is a general warning given in view of previous problems that have risen over copyvios.)