Wikipedia:Peer review/Henry Morgan/archive1

Henry Morgan
I've listed this article for peer review because Morgan is one of the more interesting historical figures around. A privateer who was the scourge of the Spanish in the Caribbean who later became a Governor of Jamaica. He secured Jamaica as one of the jewels of the British Empire and made himself extremely wealthy in the process. He is possibly better known to modern eyes through the books and films in which he is fictionalised, or perhaps the brand of rum which bears his name. I hope to take this on to either GA or FA after review, and I look forward to hearing the comments of others as to how this could be improved toward that goal.

Thanks – The Bounder (talk) 16:05, 17 November 2016 (UTC)

Ok it's been a while since I've done this so apologies if I'm behind on the formatting, but here are some observations I've made. Please note I'm being critical of the article, not your work. I think it's very good but needs a polish.


 * " parents and antecedents "have all proved unsatisfactory".[3] The only exception to this is in Morgan's" - possibly replace with "proved unsatisfactory',[3] although his will"
 * "the name of Henry's mother is unknown" - repeating something we were just told
 * With the Caribbean bit, I'd simplify it with something like (the ellipses are just text I skipped, don't cut that) "Morgan may have travelled to the Caribbean as part of the army of Robert Venables...or he may have served as an apprentice to a maker of cutlery... Richard Browne, who served as surgeon under Morgan in 1670; Browne stated that.... And then state that how he got to the Caribbean is unknown, plus the further examples.  It just breaks things up a bit and makes it seem less like a list.
 * OK, will do that bit in the morning - The Bounder (talk) 20:57, 20 November 2016 (UTC)
 * I'm not sure exactly what you mean with your example. Does the following come close to your suggestion?


 * It is unknown how Morgan made his way to the Caribbean. He may have travelled to the Caribbean as part of the army of Robert Venables, sent by Oliver Cromwell as part of the Caribbean expedition against the Spanish in the West Indies in 1654, or he may have served as an apprentice to a maker of cutlery for three years in exchange for the cost of his emigration. Richard Browne, who served as surgeon under Morgan in 1670 stated that Morgan had travelled as a "private gentleman" soon after the 1655 capture of Jamaica by the English, or he may have been kidnapped in Bristol and transported to Barbados, where he was sold as a servant.
 * I'm happy for you to edit this version, or the article version if it makes it easier - The Bounder (talk) 11:04, 21 November 2016 (UTC)


 * "Details of Morgan's early career are unclear" - the previous section already told us that his early life is uncertain. You could modify that previous section to add that his life and career are uncertain.
 * " with few casualties but a large cargo of valuables." it sounds perverse but I'm not sure that we need to know about the casualties, especially as the following sentence talks about the loot.
 * "Sir Thomas Modyford was impressed enough with the spoils" - I'm not sure of the political setup, but as a reader I'd presume a pirate wouldn't be giving stolen property to the governor, so is it possible to preface this with a brief explanation? I note there's a sentence about letters of marque, perhaps that would be better if it were integrated into this section?  That might enable you to make this sentence more relevant "the authorisation to colonial governors that they could issue letters of marque against the Dutch"?
 * OK, will do that bit and the rest in the morning - The Bounder (talk) 20:57, 20 November 2016 (UTC)
 * Done this bit too. - The Bounder (talk) 10:33, 23 November 2016 (UTC)
 * "Modyford had been appointed Governor of Jamaica in February 1664 with instructions to limit the activities of the privateers; he made a proclamation against their activities on 11 June 1664, but economic practicalities led to him reversing the policy by the end of the month" coming so soon after a line about something that happened the following year, chronologically this sentence seems to be in the wrong place. Parrot of Doom 17:24, 20 November 2016 (UTC)


 * "Morgan's letter of marque gave him permission to attack Spanish ships at sea. Any plunder obtained from the attacks would be split between the government and the owners of the ships." - owners of which ships - the pirate ships or the pirated ships?
 * "The letter gave no permission for attacks on land, and any resultant plunder would be retained by the privateers." - I don't understand this sentence.
 * "we found seventy men had been pressed to go against Jamaica" - pressganged, or simply pressured? Don't put a link inside a quote, but could you clarify with a note?
 * The quote doesn't make it clear which one it is, and neither do the 8 sources I've looked at! There are a couple of online ones I'll hunt through to see if they can clarify. - The Bounder (talk) 11:04, 21 November 2016 (UTC)
 * "After dividing the spoils of the conquest of Puerto Principe, Morgan announced the plan of attacking Porto Bello (now in modern-day Panama); the 200 French privateers, unhappy with the division of the treasure and the murder of their countryman, left Morgan's service.[28] Morgan and his ships returned briefly to Port Royal before leaving for Porto Bello, the third largest and strongest city on the Spanish Main," - did they leave in Port Royal? If so, I suggest merging these paragraphs and rewording.
 * "On 11 July 1668 Morgan anchored short of his target and transferred his men to 23 canoes, where they moved to within three miles" - canoes are a type of boat, not a place from where people move. Also, the rest of this sentence (not quoted) runs on and is too long.
 * "The three castles and the town fell quickly" - I think you should reword this as the previous sentence is discussing the pirates and not the town. So something like "they took the three castles and town quickly" (something like that).
 * "There were accusations, particularly from Exquemelin" - I forgot who Exquemelin is.
 * "to repeat the actions of the pirate Francois L'Olonnais two years previously, in an attack on Maracaibo and Gibraltar, both on Lake Maracaibo in modern day Venezuela" - I'm not clear if you're talking about what L'Olonnais did two years previously, or if the French captain was recommending Morgan attack Maracaibo and Gibraltar.
 * "Under covering canon fire from privateer's flagship, the Lilly" - words are missing here, and it's cannon, not canon?
 * "Morgan attacked Maracaibo by canoe, but the city was largely deserted by the time he arrived as the inhabitants, warned by the troops from the fortress, had fled" - how about "Morgan arrived at Maracaibo to find the city largely deserted, its residents having been forewarned of his activities/approach by the fortress's troops"?
 * "The town refused to surrender" - the town, or its occupants? There are a few instances in the article where you switch from one to the other - town or residents, ships or crew, etc.  I think you should fix on people or places/things, not both.
 * "He anchored a short distance away and his men landed by canoe and assaulted the town from the landward approach. He spent five weeks in Gibraltar, and there was again evidence that torture was used to force residents to reveal hidden money and valuables" - did he sneak in, or did he overpower the city's defenders? Parrot of Doom 18:02, 20 November 2016 (UTC)


 * "He arrived back in Port Royal on 12 March to a warm and positive welcome." - from who? Not his shipmates, I gather. Parrot of Doom 17:40, 20 November 2016 (UTC)
 * Excellent comments, and I thank you for them. I've done one or two at the top, and I'll work my way through the rest of them in the morning. Thanks so much for your thoughts on this. All the best – The Bounder (talk) 20:57, 20 November 2016 (UTC)


 * "and the San Carlos de La Barra Fortress" - and the fortress...what? Were ships waiting there, or is there a missing section of this sentence?
 * "The third Spanish vessel was sunk by the other privateers" - which privateers?
 * "Morgan still needed to pass the San Carlos de La Barra Fortress, in which Espinosa had sheltered" - I think it might improve the section to mention before the attack that the fleet commander was not on the flagship
 * "Morgan still needed to pass the San Carlos de La Barra Fortress, in which Espinosa had sheltered, but was still out-gunned by the fortress, which had the ability to destroy his fleet if he tried to pass." - this is a very confused sentence
 * "During the course of the negotiations with the Spanish" - hang on, we were just told the Spanish fleet commander refused to negotiate. You're probably talking about the town but you need to make this clearer.
 * "Morgan invested a share of his prize money in an 836-acre (338 ha) plantation – his second such investment.[65]" - I think a reminder of his first investment might be helpful Parrot of Doom 23:17, 20 November 2016 (UTC)


 * Many thanks once again for the work so far. All but three points have been addressed - if you could glance up to the green text above for a question on that point, that would be great. I'll sort the other two shortly. Thanks once again - The Bounder (talk) 11:04, 21 November 2016 (UTC)

Continuing...


 * "In response Modyford issued Morgan with commission" - is there a missing "a" in there? Perhaps "Modyford commissioned Morgan to..." might be better.
 * "the port from which ships loaded with goods to transport back to Spain" loaded as in "were loaded [by men] with goods while at the port", or "ships already laden with goods meant for transport..."?
 * "On 9 January 1671, with his remaining men, he ascended the Chagres River towards the Pacific coast and Old Panama City." - if he was going to Old Panama City then I feel this sentence needs something like "headed for Old Panama City, on the Pacific Coast" (if correct)
 * Regarding this whole paragraph about the Chagres journey, a short bit of detail about the geography might help, but it isn't critical.
 * "but organised fire destroyed the Spanish horse" - I think Spanish horse is military terminology, might be better just to stick with cavalry.
 * "The English government heard rumours from ambassadors " - English ambassadors, or foreign ambassadors?
 * "Morgan remained at liberty throughout his time in London" - this contradicts the sources that state just previously that Morgan might have been in the Tower of London. Parrot of Doom 13:03, 21 November 2016 (UTC)
 * Many thanks for these. All but one done: I'll get some info on the terrain from the sources tomorrow. Thanks again. – The Bounder (talk) 22:05, 21 November 2016 (UTC)
 * Terrain info now added, thanks again for your comments. - The Bounder (talk) 10:33, 23 November 2016 (UTC)

Comments. As always, feel free to revert my copyediting. - Dank (push to talk)
 * I got down to Early career as a privateer (c. 1660 – 1666), and stopped there because I'll have to look at everything again when this gets to FAC. I don't foresee any problems with FAC copyediting requirements ... you're good to go. - Dank (push to talk) 15:54, 24 November 2016 (UTC)
 * That's great - thank you very much. I'll wait a week or so more to see if there are any more comments and then move it across. - The Bounder (talk) 08:23, 25 November 2016 (UTC)

Closing off this review: my thanks to you both. – The Bounder (talk) 06:57, 8 December 2016 (UTC)