Wikipedia:Peer review/Herbie Hewett/archive1

Herbie Hewett
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because it has recently been promoted to GA, and as I feel I have got this article as far as I can, I'd like opinion on whether there is enough here to take the article onto FA. Hewett had a relatively short cricket career, retiring early, so the article is quite short. Primarily due to the fact that he wasn't an overly prominent player, and due to the time period he played in, there is little information on his personal (and non-cricketing) life. It is unlikely that much more can be revealed on this, although little gems may be gleaned.

Thanks,  Harrias  talk 22:34, 5 December 2010 (UTC)

Ruhrfisch comments: Thanks for your work on this article. I am not an expert on cricket, but I enjoyed it and could follow most of it. Here are some suggestions for improvement with an eye to FAC. Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). I do not watch peer reviews, so if you have questions or comments, please contact me on my talk page. Yours, Ruhrfisch &gt;&lt;&gt; &deg; &deg; 03:46, 20 December 2010 (UTC) Nopt sure what else you want me to look at - if you have specific questions, please ask on my talk page, Ruhrfisch &gt;&lt;&gt; &deg; &deg; 15:57, 30 December 2010 (UTC)
 * One of the FAC criteria is comprehensiveness, so the fairly sparse amount of material on his life outside of and after his cricket career may be a problem. I wondered if any contemporary obituaries might have useful information? When I read the article, my three main questions were: 1) more about his time at Oxford (what did he study, when did he start and finish his studies), 2) how did he earn a living (was he a professional cricketer - but the lead says he was an amateur)? did he live off an inherited sum of money as so many upper and middle class people seemed to in that era), and 3) what did he do for the last 20 years of his life (besides the few details given)?
 * I have access to an archive of the Times and his death notice says he was the only son and names his father (it is quite short otherwise). The Times, Monday, Mar 07, 1921; pg. 1; Issue 42662; col A Says he was the "only son to the late William Henry Hewett" and that the funeral would be held the next day (March 8) at Norton Fitzwarren, Somerset. Both of these items could be included in the article.
 * I also now found his obituary in The Times - it only talks about cricket - Mr. H. T. Hewett. (Obituaries) The Times Monday, Mar 07, 1921; pg. 14; Issue 42662; col D
 * Have added some detail in from this.  Harrias  talk 22:08, 20 December 2010 (UTC)
 * I do not think the article is "quite short" - I used the page size tool and it is 22 kB (3824 words) "readable prose size"
 * The disambig link finder shows that there is one dab link that will need to be fixed.
 * Fixed. Harrias  talk 22:08, 20 December 2010 (UTC)
 * Watch WP:OVERLINKing - most articles link a term once in the lead and then once on first occurrence in the body of the article. Here, as one example, Wisden Cricketers' Almanack is linked four times in the article.
 * Have fixed those that I have spotted.  Harrias  talk 22:08, 20 December 2010 (UTC)
 * Language concerns - overall the prose is good, but it has to be at a professional level of ENglish to pass FAC (which is often one of the most difficult criteria for articles to meet). I will try to point out some language an other issues as I read through the article.
 * Lead - 1st paragraph has three sentences in a row beginning with "he" - try to vary this. I would also start the first sentence of the third paragraph with Hewlett instead of he.
 * The lead should probably mention in some way what little is known about his life outside of cricket, probably in the last sentence or at last the third paragraph.
 * Have mentioned he was a barrister.  Harrias  talk 22:08, 20 December 2010 (UTC)
 * In Early life I would say what year he started at Oxford and probably gives his age.
 * I don't have anything solid on this; he played the Freshman's match in 1884, but I'm not certain if he started in late 1883, or early 1884, both were possible at the time.
 * In Oxford and Somerset (1884–1888) I would include some statement early on about how long he was at Oxford, and also give anything that is known about what he studied or his final degree (or lack thereof).
 * Ditto above; I'll do a little more digging, but may have to just specify that I can't specify!  Harrias  talk 22:08, 20 December 2010 (UTC)
 * Needs a ref : He made one other appearance in 1884, against Lancashire.
 * Added.  Harrias  talk 22:08, 20 December 2010 (UTC)
 * Watch for places where the prose can be tightened: His first match for Somerset that season was made against Hampshire in mid-July, during which he scored his maiden half-century in first-class cricket, remaining 50 not out in the second-innings of a five-wicket victory for Somerset.[12] could be something like Hewett scored his maiden half-century in first-class cricket in mid-July, in his first match for Somerset; he remained 50 not out in the second-innings of a five-wicket victory for Somerset over Hampshire.[12]
 * There are several reviewers at FAC who really do not like verb + ing constructions, so I would try to avoid them wherever possible (a few is OK)
 * I am not sure what the score-asterisk means - can it be linked or somehow briefly explained at its first use He started the 1886 season well, scoring 151 for his college and 164* for Perambulators against Etceteras.[1] I was also not clear what the two teams were - Oxford clubs??
 * More tightening possible Although he top-scored in the Seniors Match,[14] he was not initially selected for the eleven and it was not until the university's third game that he was selected. could be something like Although he top-scored in the Seniors Match,[14] he was not selected for the eleven until the university's third game.
 * What team was he playing for in The next year, 1888, he scored back to back half-centuries early in the season against Warwickshire and Staffordshire before making his debut for the Marylebone Cricket Club (MCC).[20][21] Assume Somerset?
 * This section says 1887 was his final year at Oxford, but later this sounds like an Oxford match in 1888 - was he playing as a student or an alumnus? ...scoring 201* for Senior Common Room against Christ Church in 1888.[24]
 * I don't know, I don't have access to that source, I'll see if User:Nigej can help.  Harrias  talk 22:08, 20 December 2010 (UTC)
 * I would try to get someone who has not seen the article to do a light copyedit. You could also try not reading it for a few days, then printing it out and reading it out loud slowly.
 * It looks like you have been very diligent in tracking down sources - if there really is nothing else on his life outside cricket, then I would make this very clear in the nomination at FAC.
 * Please make sure that the existing text includes no copyright violations, plagiarism, or close paraphrasing. For more information on this please see Wikipedia_Signpost/2009-04-13/Dispatches for more details
 * I would also make sure that the first sentence of a new section states the obvious - for example in the Captaining Somerset section, the first sentence mentions neither Somerset nor the fact that he was captain.
 * Bit of confusion, think I must have moved half a sentence over and not the other, which resulted in some duplication between sections too!  Harrias  talk 22:12, 20 December 2010 (UTC)
 * The lead says "Hewett practised as a barrister, having been called to the Bar at the Inner Temple." but the body of the article just says "Hewett trained as a barrister at the Inner Temple, where he passed at least one exam in 1890."
 * I was thinking that the article could say something like "Hewett's obituary in The Times only mentioned his cricket career, and did not mention his later life." I also think it could say something like "His obituary did not mention a spouse or children."