Wikipedia:Peer review/Hero of the Russian Federation/archive2

Hero of the Russian Federation
It has been a while since I wrote for WP, so I wanted to make sure I tie up all loose ends before I start on anything new. I tried to make this a combination of the other hero title articles I wrote: Hero of Belarus and Hero of Ukraine. I noticed the article had some cleaning up while I was gone, and I just want to be sure this is ready for WP:FAC. Zach (Sound Off) 06:41, 21 December 2005 (UTC)

Overall, I'd say it looks very good indeed. Some comments:


 * The sentence "Decree No. 2553-I contained two key components that made up the whole title: ..." is unclear. I don't know how to rephrase it, but perhaps it should say "Decree No. 2553-I is composed of two sections:  ..." or something
 * "boot-tree device" could use some clarification
 * Re. "It is not known if the medals of the Soviet titles ...". You shouldn't say "it is not known", as presumably someone knows.  Better to omit this until we find out what the rule is, although you could mention that they are sometimes worn together.
 * "... and a 1 mm serial number is placed in the top ray" — the picture shows it below the text
 * "... there is a fastening device that consists of a pin and hook" — again, the picture doesn't look like this
 * "... the Chechnya recipients usually receive their titles for performing heroic acts or leading the pro-Moscow government" — the end of that sentence doesn't make much sense to me. Perhaps rephrase, eg. "acts of heroism or outstanding political service to the Russian Federation"?
 * The section "Some Chechnya recipients, such as Akhmad Kadyrov, have been killed in various incidents. ..." needs to be cleaned up — I'm not sure how to approach this. Given the number of people who died in Chechnya, I think you need to say why he is singled out for mention.
 * "See also" comes before "References" — see Manual of Style (headings)
 * Overall, I think the language needs some tweaking just to make it read better, and to be more like an encyclopedia.

I've done a little copy-editing to fix some of the above. — Johantheghost 21:57, 22 December 2005 (UTC)


 * Thank you. What I did about the items not matching the photo to the side, I decided to take the easy route and deleted the photo. The photo was not correctly displaying the reverse of the medal, so I decided it should go. The reason why I named Akhmad Kadyrov in the section about deceased heroes from Chechnya since he has an article already, plus, days after the attack that took his life, he was awarded the title by Putin. Kadyrov was the Kremlin-appointed governor to the region, but was killed in May of 2004 during a Victory Day parade in Grozny. Zach (Sound Off) 22:26, 22 December 2005 (UTC)