Wikipedia:Peer review/History of Hertfordshire/archive2

History of Hertfordshire
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because I would like to know what else I need to do to achieve FA standard.
 * Previous peer review

Thanks, — S Marshall  Talk / Cont  11:47, 8 November 2009 (UTC)

Finetooth comments: This interesting article was a pleasure to read. I think it's FA-worthy, though I have a few suggestions for improvement.

Lead
 * The lead ideally is a summary of the whole article. I generally try to include at least a mention of the each of the main text sections and not to include anything important in the lead that is not developed in the main text. This lead is quite short for such a long article, and mentions three Roman roads that don't seem to appear elsewhere. I think you could reasonably expand to a more complete summary of four paragraphs or so.

Eleventh century
 * The image of the River Lea displaces the "Eleventh century" subhead on my computer screen. I'd suggest moving it up to avoid this or, if if won't fit, to the right.

Twelfth century
 * "In 1185, a survey of the Knights' holdings showed Baldock had 122 tenants on 150 acres of land." - Imperial units should also be expressed in metric units. I like to use the convert template for conversions because it gets the abbreviations and spellings right as well as the math. This one would be 150 acre.
 * Why did King Stephen arrest de Mandeville?
 * Why did the Pope place Rome under an interdiction?

Fourteenth century
 * "The number of residents probably fell by 30%–50%, and likely took until the sixteenth century to recover." - I'd recommend changing 30%–50% to "30 to 50 percent".
 * "These changed economic conditions were contributory factors to the Peasants' Revolt in 1381, in which Hertfordshire's people were deeply involved.[45] After Wat Tyler's execution, King Richard II went to St Albans in person to quell the rebels." - It might be helpful here to include just a little more background. It seems a bit odd that workers who could suddenly demand higher wages and better conditions would revolt. Also, including a brief phrase like "the leader of the revolt" after Wat Tyler would be helpful.

Seventeenth century
 * "James I, who was a confirmed dog-lover, also built a huge kennel (about 46 feet long) and dog-yard (over half an acre in size) at Royston." - Metric conversions here too.

Eighteenth century
 * The map of Hertfordshire overlaps two sections and displaces an edit button on my computer screen. I'd suggest moving this image down a bit.
 * "Their impact on trade and commerce in Hertfordshire is hard to overstate." - Might be challenged unless supported by an inline citation to an RS.
 * "an assessment that may not be entirely free from local bias. It nevertheless shows how more advanced farming techniques and soil improvement programmes had enabled farmers to work Hertfordshire's "heavier" soils to better effect over the centuries since the Saxon–Norse wars." - Probably all true, but the interpretations seem tacked onto the verifiable facts as asides, but from whom?

Nineteenth century
 * "In March 1886, John Dickinson & Co. Ltd. was incorporated with £500,000 in capital and ten acres of glass houses. By 1900, the company had 264 acres of glass houses in the Cheshunt area." - More metric conversions.
 * "It passed to Mrs Bulwer-Lytton in 1809... ". - Rather than "Mrs", it would be better to use her first name.
 * "pleaded that the sensational newspaper coverage had prejudiced the Court against him. It only took 20 minutes of deliberations for the jury to sentence him to death by hanging. The crowds that gathered for the trial were so large that the judge had trouble getting to the Courthouse... " - Lowercase "court" and "courthouse"?

Twentieth century
 * "Ebenezer Howard bought nearly 1,500 acres in 1919" - Metric conversion.
 * "He lived there until his death 1950." - Missing word, "in"?
 * "Hertfordshire's last Victoria Cross of the First World War was granted in December 1918, after the war had finished: a posthumous VC for Lieutenant Frank Young of Hitchin." - Add (VC) after "Victoria Cross" on first use?

Post-war
 * "A growing trend is research and development, notably for Glaxo and at the University of Hertfordshire which, from relatively humble beginnings as Hatfield Polytechnic, now has over 23,000 students." - Needs a source.

Twenty-first century
 * "About sixty million gallons of petrol... ". - Metric conversion.

Footnotes
 * Citation 18: "By 1621, the estate included 117 acres of arable land, 99 of meadow, 86 of woodland and 82 of pasture. Over nine miles of brick wall were built around it all." - Metric conversions.
 * Citation 24: "one of Moore's statues—weighing 2.1 tonnes... " - Ditto.

I hope these suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider reviewing another article, especially one from the PR backlog. That is where I found this one. Finetooth (talk) 04:44, 18 November 2009 (UTC)
 * Thank you for those comments, Finetooth.— S Marshall  Talk / Cont  16:31, 18 November 2009 (UTC)