Wikipedia:Peer review/History of Minnesota/archive1

History of Minnesota
I've been working on History of Minnesota for a while, along with other members of WikiProject Minnesota. In particular, I'd like to acknowledge the contributions of Mulad and Appraiser. The article has recently passed good article review, and I'm eventually hoping to bring it to featured article status. I'd like feedback on the following:
 * 1) Does the article reflect a complete and comprehensive view of Minnesota history?
 * 2) Is there any copyediting needed, or any suggestions to make it brilliant prose?
 * 3) Does it reflect a fair viewpoint of Minnesota and its people?

I'd appreciate suggestions on these questions, or any other suggestions you can provide. Thanks! --Elkman - (Elkspeak) 17:40, 23 October 2006 (UTC)


 * Please see automated peer review suggestions here. Thanks, AZ t 21:58, 23 October 2006 (UTC)


 * Definetely needs a redundancy and grammar copyedit. May I? - Tutmosis  22:02, 23 October 2006 (UTC)
 * Go ahead. You don't need my permission -- this is a Wiki, after all.  In fact, I'd encourage it.  --Elkman - (Elkspeak) 22:43, 23 October 2006 (UTC)

Skimmed through it and it looks quite good. Couple of thoughts: the many red links will have to be addressed for FA (you already knew that) and the lead is weak. The lead should summarize the whole article and probably should be a bit longer. The first sentence doesn't get the article off to a good start ("dates back" is redundant), but I don't know what to suggest. The first three people I thought of are not mentioned: Alexander Ramsey, James J. Hill and Henry Rice (who deceived the Ojibway into signing away their land). Highlighting the prairie pioneers by keying off of Laura Ingalls Wilder could work well for the article too. Did MN formerly do a lot of farm equipment manufacturing? Minneapolis-Moline, for example? Another way to beef up the history of agriculture is to mention Oliver Hudson Kelley and the Grange movement and subsequent develpments like the National Farmers Organization (NFO) which caused some tension in the 60s and 70s. Then getting farther affield, there is the decline of "Machinery Hill" at the State Fair (big equipment replaced by lawnmowers) balanced by FarmFest making its home on the Gilfillan estate near Redwood Falls (but that's original research!). JonHarder 02:26, 29 October 2006 (UTC)
 * Thanks for the comments. I'll see what I can do about the lead -- it should definitely give more of an overview of the state's history and more of a summary of the article.  As far as the red links go, some of them definitely deserve articles or at least stubs.  (I can't believe that Josiah Snelling doesn't have an article yet.)  On the other hand, there are a few redlinks that probably aren't notable enough to need articles of their own yet.  I might just delink them until we can come up with articles.  And you're right about naming some of the famous people.  I asked a few people at Sunday's Wikipedia meetup for ideas of people who should be listed, so I have a list now.  I don't want to make the article too long or make it just a list of names -- it's going to be a balancing act as far as what to include.
 * As far as agriculture goes, you're right about mentioning Oliver H. Kelley and the Grange movement. I'm not sure what I'll be able to find about specific farm equipment manufacturers, though.  The references I'm using don't say a lot about farm equipment manufacture, other than the fact that equipment got more specialized and more modern over the years.
 * I don't think I'll be able to get these changes done right away, of course, but these are good suggestions and they'll help with the article. Thanks.  --Elkman - (Elkspeak) 04:32, 31 October 2006 (UTC)