Wikipedia:Peer review/Holy Wood (novel)/archive1

Holy Wood (novel)
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because… I need some advise on what needs to be done to improve this page. This is the first time I'm handling an article for a novel.

Thanks, Red marquis (talk) 12:43, 1 May 2011 (UTC)


 * Here are some quick thoughts:
 * Plot generally covers the plot from an in-universe perspective. For example, The Hobbit gives a rough outline of the story. The ability to keep a real-world perspective is generally a criteria for notability (from what I've seen) but in-universe elements should be described in-universe. In other words, perhaps writing it in-universe in the article with footnotes to show Manson's original quotes would be better.
 * You could use some more categories, I think.
 * External links do not go in the body of text.
 * Parts like "Although praised by critics, when Holy Wood the album was finally released it was met with disappointing sales (it had taken almost a year for the album to reach gold in the US) and talk of the aforementioned film and novel had slowly died down in the press." could use wikifying and style rewrite.
 * Hope this helps. Crisco 1492 (talk) 14:09, 11 May 2011 (UTC)

Finetooth comments: Just a few additional thoughts:


 * I agree with Crisco 1492's suggestions about the "Plot" section. In addition, although the quotations will disappear anyway if you rewrite this section from an in-universe perspective, it's generally better not to depend so heavily on direct quotations. The first quote of Manson is especially long. Paraphrasing to get at the essence is usually better. It might be impossible, though, to recount the plot of an unpublished novel. Perhaps it would be better to compress the plot material to a couple of sentences and to merge it with "Early talk of the book and film project".


 * It might be good to add something about Manson's career to the "Early talk" section. You might say who he is, briefly recount his accomplishments, and say what else he has written. I see from the infobox that he has written a published autobiography. Anything else?


 * To outsiders, it might not be clear what "the band" refers to in the third sentence of the "Early talk" section. Would it be helpful to add something about the band?


 * "Central to the idea was a starring role for Manson's then-fiancée Rose McGowan." - Needs a source.


 * The entire "Cover art and Chapter 10" section needs inline citations to reliable sources.


 * It's not clear why the Church of Scientology would have any say in the matter of Manson's project. Could this be explained?


 * The Cody quotation in the last section should appear in regular type rather than italics. The quotation in fancy quotes is too short for a blockquote and appears to be part of the first Cody quotation. It might be better to join them as a single quotation connected by an ellipsis.


 * MansonWiki (citations 1, 10 and 12) is not a reliable source per WP:RS. Its main page says that it's "written for the fans by fans."


 * The link to Jack Parsons goes to a disambiguation page. The link needs to be more specific.


 * The license page for the lead image does not identify a source. Since the book has not been published, how can we be sure this is really the cover art? Where did it come from? Who created it?

I hope these suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider commenting on any other article at WP:PR. I don't usually watch the PR archives or make follow-up comments. If my suggestions are unclear, please ping me on my talk page. Finetooth (talk) 23:59, 16 May 2011 (UTC)
 * Please make sure that the existing text includes no copyright violations, plagiarism, or close paraphrasing. For more information on this please see Wikipedia_Signpost/2009-04-13/Dispatches. (This is a general warning given in view of previous problems that have risen over copyvios.)