Wikipedia:Peer review/Homeschooling/archive2

Homeschooling
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because the article has seen very considerably good improvements within the last month since it was selected as the WikiProject Homeschooling Collaboration of the Month. Previously, it had some problems with NPOV in the last peer review. Also the article was previously too focused on the United States. I think both of these problems have been fixed, and I plan on nominating it as a good article very soon. - Diligent Terrier (and friends) 23:45, 31 March 2008 (UTC)
 * Previous peer review
 * You need to improve the cites. Cite 37 should have CIA in the publisher parameter (i.e. you need to use the cite web template. Tenacious D Fan (talk) 17:14, 3 April 2008 (UTC)

Ruhrfisch comments: Given the backlog at WP:GAN, you are probably OK nominating it there now. I will try to review this later today. Ruhrfisch &gt;&lt;&gt; &deg; &deg; 15:58, 4 April 2008 (UTC) While a lot of work has gone into this, it needs a lot more work to get to GA status. Hope this helps, Ruhrfisch &gt;&lt;&gt; &deg; &deg; 19:51, 4 April 2008 (UTC)
 * 1) The lead reads like the introduction, when it should be a summary of the whole article. I always try to make sure every header is somehow mentioned in the lead, even if it is just a word or phrase. For example, there seems to be no mention of History in the lead, nor of the many countries listed in the TOC. See WP:LEAD
 * 2) Per WP:HEAD, please do not use an ameprsand & in a header (so "Raymond and Dorothy Moore"), and please do not repeat the name of the article (so just plain "Criticism" not "Criticism of homeschooling ").
 * 3) The current lead reads very much like original research in the "why people home school" part - all of these will need citations from reliable sources once it is in the body of the article (have not yet read the whole article - apologies if it is already in and cited). See WP:CITE and WP:RS
 * 4) History section - one sentence on the introduction of compulsory education in Germany in the 17th and 18th centuries, then two large subsections on American educators and the homeschooling movement in the US. Unless the article title is changed to Homeschooling in the US, this is very POV and not at all comprehensive. Since WP:WIAGA requires WP:NPOV and broad coverage, this will fail GAN unless fixed.
 * 5) Here is the "pipe trick" to get only "John Holt" to display in a wikilink type this: John Holt (educator) and what you get is John Holt, or you can type it in full too: >John Holt.
 * 6) Keep focused on the topic at hand - why in an article on homeschooling do we need to John Holt was a former submariner?
 * 7) Try to keep the tone of writing neutral and encyclopedic, so It was no great leap from there to arrive at homeschooling, and Holt later said, in 1980,... could be something like He soon embraced homeschooling and in 1980 said...
 * 8) Sentence about Holt's last book needs a ref
 * 9) Don't link words in headers either, and "DACH" is not an acronym I knew (and I speak German and have lived in Germany). Spell it out and provide context for the reader - see WP:PCR
 * 10) Avoid contractions except in direct quotes Parents violating the law have most prominently included devout Christians who want to give their children a more Christian education than what's offered by the schools.
 * 11) See WP:WEIGHT - this is an article that tries to be about the whole world, but look at the US section size compared to every other country. Also look at nearly all of the examples in every other section, all US.
 * 12) Avoid needless repetition - there is already a Cost to families section, so why also a Finacial obligations section that mostly repeats the same information?
 * 13) References to the internet should have url, title, publisher, author if known, and date accessed. Consider using cite web and the other cite templates (cite book, cite journal, cite news, etc.)

I switched from bullets to numbers as requested - I am fine with replies between by points if that is what you like. Ruhrfisch &gt;&lt;&gt; &deg; &deg; 20:56, 4 April 2008 (UTC)
 * OK, I also added tags to the article related to what you noticed and I've made some of the basic changes that you suggested. Hope you don't mind.  - Diligent Terrier  (and friends) 20:58, 4 April 2008 (UTC)

Comments. The main difficulty that this article has is that it feels as though it bears underlying webs of POV, which can be seen in the John Holt section, and accentuated by need of citations. Much of this can be cleaned up just by changing the wording in areas. The stilted delivery of the introduction paragraph needs some work to help with flow, and the International status section needs sources as well. The countries listed have so little written about them that it seems as though they are a list. While some of this could be left alone for now, the POV issues and 'essay' feel are what really need to be worked on. In my opinion, it's still a start-class article, though B-class isn't too far away for it. Fusion Mix  02:45, 9 April 2008 (UTC)