Wikipedia:Peer review/Homicide: Life on the Street (season 2)/archive1

Homicide: Life on the Street (season 2)
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've already put Homicide: Life on the Street (season 1) through a PR and FA, and I'd like to do the same to this one. I believe it's just about ready. Thanks! —  Hun ter   Ka  hn  00:53, 19 May 2011 (UTC)

Ruhrfisch comments: Having reviewed the season 1 article, this looks like it follows a successful model. Thanks for your work on these and here are some nit-picky suggestions for improvement.
 * Lead - missing word . Daniel Baldwin publicly criticized NBC Entertainment [chief? head? president?] Warren Littlefield over the matter, and ...
 * I think "reportedly dismissed" sounds better ''The second season was the last to include original cast member Jon Polito, who was dismissed reportedly because NBC officials ...
 * Shouldn't it just be "for Williams" in and the show received one Emmy nomination for Outstanding Guest Actor in a Drama Series for Robin Williams. ?
 * Wasn't Three Men and Adena a single story episode (albeit in Season one)?
 * I think I would mention in the lead that the series was renewed for a third season
 * In Episodes, I think it would help to provide context in a few places, especially for readers not familiar with the series. Had I not read the article on Season One recently, I would not be sure who Felton and Howard were in the first episode, for example. Just adding the word "Detectives" at the start of the first sentence would help.
 * While it is probably not necessary to introduce each detective with "detective", I would make it clear that Gee is their Lieutenant. Not sure about spelling out his full name on first mention.
 * I think the last phrase is not grammatical in ...a police lieutenant (Michael S. Kennedy) with whom Howard had an affair and still harbors romantic feelings. perhaps a police lieutenant (Michael S. Kennedy) with whom Howard had an affair and [for whom she] still harbors romantic feelings. or something similar would work
 * In Renewal "put off less viewers" seems a bit awkward ("fewer viewers"? recast as positive, i.e. "would attract more viewers"?) and I think "succeed better" sounds, um, better  Ohlmeyer said he believed a better timeslot, less dense stories and less hand-held photography would put off less viewers and help the show better succeed:...
 * tweak due to competition from the ABC high-rating comedy block featuring Home Improvement and Coach.[6][17]  to something like ''due to competition from the highly-rated ABC comedy block featuring Home Improvement and Coach.[6][17]
 * Word choice - voiced? ''Even during the first season, Levinson often voiced that the series was truly designed for a 10 p.m. timeslot.
 * In Crew since this is an article on the second season, is that bit needed in and screenwriter James Yoshimura became story editor starting with the second season?
 * In Cast, tweak ''...Wendy Hughes, who previously played medical examiner Carol Blythe; her absence was never explained on-screen.
 * Another MOS full name on first use, then just last name thereafter issue - I am fine with listing the cast by full name at the start of the section, but then it should just be Polito (not Jon Polito) in all following uses (unless there are two or more people named Polito in the article). Check for this throughout (not just Polito and Williams)
 * In Writing it is not clear which season is meant (assume the first??) in the start of ''By the time the season ended, four additional scripts had already been written,[4] but before approving the second season, NBC asked for refinements in both the visual style and the scripts.[3]
 * In the first paragraph of this section I would swap the last two sentences to keep all the material on Bop Gun together.
 * The image of Simon should be left justified so he looks into the text, per the MOS
 * Can the handling ... were handled construction be avoided in ''Attanasio deliberately wrote the "See No Evil" script so that it would be morally questionable whether the police handling of both main subplots — the assisted suicide and the suspected police shooting — were handled in an ethically correct way.[31]
 * Can the episode name be used just once in ''"Black and Blue" was written by James Yoshimura, who continued working on Homicide throughout the entire life of the show, but considered "Black and Blue" his favorite script.[53]
 * Missing word in Filming? ''Fontana said [Levinson?] remained involved in the development of scripts and the production of the shows.[24]
 * Reviews I would use "fewer" instead of "less" in ''Robert Bianco of the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette praised the show and said the decision to focus on less subplots might help.
 * Not clear which Sun is meant - assume Baltimore Sun? ''Sun reporter David Bianculli praised the show's complex characters ...
 * NYPD Blue Say which network this show was on?
 * Missing name ''NYPD Blue co-creator [?] took exception to that characterization, saying he believed his reputation and experience in television proved he was capable of conceiving his own material.
 * In Ratings should the lead in show be mentioned? Back then NBC had a strong Thursday set of programs (Friends, Seinfeld, Frasier IIRC)
 * Error? "continued to commit"? ''Despite Homicide's improvement in the ratings, NBC continued to commit to a third season until the producers agreed to even more changes, including more prominent guest stars, more women in the cast and more life-affirming storylines.[95]


 * Please make sure that the existing text includes no copyright violations, plagiarism, or close paraphrasing. For more information on this please see Wikipedia_Signpost/2009-04-13/Dispatches. (This is a general warning given in all peer reviews, in view of previous problems that have risen over copyvios.)

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). I do not watch peer reviews, so if you have questions or comments, please contact me on my talk page. Yours, Ruhrfisch &gt;&lt;&gt; &deg; &deg; 14:19, 3 June 2011 (UTC)
 * Thanks for the review! As always, your attention to detail is much appreciated! —  Hun ter   Ka  hn  22:15, 11 June 2011 (UTC)