Wikipedia:Peer review/Hubert Walter/archive1

Hubert Walter
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because I would like to take it to FAC shortly, and welcome comments that might help with that goal. Thanks, Ealdgyth | Talk 04:31, 8 March 2008 (UTC)

Comments from
All in all, WP:MOS might be ultimately useful in helping this article reach FA class. March 16, 2008
 * The years of some of these important events should be linked.
 * Some sentences may be a bit wordy; try removing some unnecessary words.
 * Some paragraphs may need to be separated or reorganized, so that each maintain the same main idea.
 * Some phrases need to be clarified, (e.g., in many ways, or had been instrumental)
 * "Hubert" is repeated a little too often. (Is it possible to refer to him by his last name?)
 * Dates such as "July of 1186" cannot have "of" in between, per WP:MOSNUM.
 * The first three paragraphs need a few more citations.
 * A few grammatical problems, (e.g., "...late twelfth and early thirteenth century" should be "...late twelfth and early thirteenth centuries.")
 * Word choice may be reconsidered, for example, "...elected bishop of Salisbury shortly after the elevation of King Henry's son." (Could "elevation" be changed to "ascension"?)
 * Phrasing is a bit awkward at places. ("As well, he was made justiciar about December 25, 1193" should be "He was made justiciar circa December 25, 1193, as well.")
 * This is relatively minor, but phrases with "which" should include a comma before the "which"; conversely, phrases with "that" used in a similar context cannot include a comma before "that."
 * It may need further editing to conform to WP:NPOV. (e.g. "tender parting with his monks.")
 * It may be too colloquial in some places. (e.g., "butt of jokes")