Wikipedia:Peer review/Human rights in Hong Kong/archive1

Human rights in Hong Kong
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've did quite a bit of editing on this page and I hope I can get some helpful comments to make it a GA. Any comments are welcome, but my primary concern is whether it is easy to understand and whether it has a broad enough coverage.

Thanks, Craddocktm (talk) 18:35, 23 March 2010 (UTC)

Finetooth comments: This is certainly broad in coverage and generally clear. The specific examples illustrating the various legal situations are good, and I find them much more interesting than the abstract legal language of the laws themselves. If I were working on this article, I'd try to think of ways to render the abstractions in everyday language to make them more accessible to the average reader. For example, it seems to me that the "Bill of Rights Ordinance" section, which is quite technical and dry, could be cut in half and made less dry.


 * Quite a few paragraphs lack sources. A good rule of thumb to pass the WP:V test is to cite at least one source for every paragraph as well as any direct quotes, sets of statistics, or claims that have been challenged or are apt to be challenged.


 * The punctuation should precede the ref numbers, not the other way around. In the lead, the order is incorrect for citations 5 and 7. Ditto for any similar situations in the article.


 * The Manual of Style advises against repeating the main words of the article title in the heads and subheads. For this reason, I'd truncate "Human Rights Protection Framework" to "Protection framework". Ditto for "Human Rights under International Law". I'd change this one to "International law".

Bill of Rights Ordinance
 * "However, due to the entrenchment of the International Covenant on Civil and Political Rights in Article 39 of the Basic Law, the significance of the Bill of Rights Ordinance, which was modeled after the ICCPR, is not diminished." - When you use an abbreviation like ICCPR, it should be explained on the first use of the full term by adding it in parentheses after the full term; i.e., "... the local adaptation of the provisions of the International Covenant on Civil and Political Rights (ICCPR)... ". Also, you don't need to link the full term more than once; it's linked twice in this section. Ditto for similar overlinking elsewhere in the article.

References
 * Quite a few of the citations are malformed or incomplete, and they will have to be fixed for the article to reach GA. Citations to web sources should include author, title, publisher, date of publication, url, and date of most recent access if all of those are known or can be found.

Other
 * The tools in the toolbox at the top of this review page show that the images need alt text, that some of the urls in the citations are dead, and that a few wikilinks in the article go to disambiguation pages instead of their intended targets. The urls and dabs should be fixed. WP:ALT explains alt text, meant for readers who can't see the images.

I hope these few suggestions prove helpful. Finetooth (talk) 04:11, 6 April 2010 (UTC)