Wikipedia:Peer review/Hurricane Carmen/archive1

Hurricane Carmen
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because it was relatively challenging to craft, and I'd like a couple thorough reviews to ensure it's of the high quality I strive for. Still, I feel it's one of the best articles we have on retired Atlantic hurricanes, and it having very recently passed GA, I hope to bring it to FAC eventually.

Thanks, – Juliancolton  &#124; Talk 20:09, 7 May 2010 (UTC)

The relevant forecaster names are Hope -> John R Hope, Frank -> Neil Frank, Pessilier -> Joseph M Pessilier.Jason Rees (talk) 20:21, 9 May 2010 (UTC)
 * Added. Thanks – Juliancolton  &#124; Talk 00:33, 10 May 2010 (UTC)

Finetooth comments: This looks almost ready for FAC. I made a few minor proofing changes and added some more nbsps where I thought they might be helpful. Here are a few suggestions or comments about minor prose and style issues and alt text.

Lead
 * "Following its usage, the name Carmen was retired from the recycling list of tropical cyclone names" - Tighten slightly and use italics for emphasis? Suggestion: "After this storm, the name Carmen was retired from the list of tropical cyclone names".

Meteorological history
 * "It slowly moved westward, and initially, associated convective activity was sparse." - Modify slightly to "It moved slowly westward, and associated convective activity was initially sparse"?
 * "However, upon entering the Atlantic Ocean, the system ignited a tropical wave... ". - Maybe "generated" instead of "ignited", which is associated with fire.

Preparations
 * "From there through the southwestern Florida, small craft were advised... ". - Words missing? Maybe "coast of southwestern Florida"?

Impact
 * "Following its usage, the name Carmen was retired by the World Meteorological Organization." - Perhaps better might be active voice and italics: "After using Carmen for this storm, the World Meteorological Organization retired the name."

Yucatán Peninsula
 * "Several days later, officials in Mexico confirmed that three people were killed by the storm." - "had been killed" rather than "were killed"?

United States
 * "Freshwater flooding was less prolific" - Maybe "extreme" or "damaging" or "extensive" rather than "prolific"?
 * "and following the storm sugar futures rose drastically" - Slightly better might be "and sugar futures rose drastically after the storm".
 * "Ultimately, the hurricane caused yields to drop from 25 tons per acre to 22 tons." - Conversion to metric? Assuming that these are short tons, then you'd need to convert to kg but also to convert to hectares. This gets so complicated, maybe it would be OK to simply say, "to drop by 12 percent". I calculated the percentage by subtracting 22 from 25 = 3 and dividing 3 by 25.
 * "One touched down near Brandon, Mississippi, destroying a barn and causing other various damage." - Tighten by deleting "various"?

Other
 * No dabs, no dead urls.
 * The alt-text tool at the top of this review page shows that the images need alt text, meant for readers who can't see the images. I'm not sure what's happening with alt text just now at FAC, but it would be a good idea to add it in any case. WP:ALT has details. I find alt texts for charts especially tricky. The one I wrote for Hurricane Agnes in the Lock Haven, Pennsylvania, article is probably way too long. Just the essence of the chart might be the best thing to aim for. Imitating what I see in Hurricane Dean's infobox, I added the alt = parameter to Carmen's infobox. (Hurricane Dean's other images lack alt text but, strangely, the infobox image has alt text).

I hope these suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider reviewing another article, especially one from the PR backlog at WP:PR. That is where I found this one. Finetooth (talk) 02:28, 13 May 2010 (UTC)
 * Done with everything, I believe. I've added alt text to the best of my current understanding of WP:ALT, which seems to be rather unstable at the moment. Very helpful review, thank you for the comments! I'll be sure to review a couple other tomorrow. Regards, – Juliancolton  &#124; Talk 03:52, 13 May 2010 (UTC)