Wikipedia:Peer review/Hurricane Ione/archive1

Hurricane Ione
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because I'm going through the list of vital articles to try to get them up to fa status and want to know what I can do to this article to improve it.

Thanks, Bobby122   Contact Me   (C)  23:26, 26 September 2010 (UTC)

Finetooth comments: This is broad in coverage but may not be comprehensive. It appears that material could be added about the hurricane's impact on areas other than New York City and along the Delaware River. Also missing is any discussion of preparations in North Carolina. Virginia is listed in the infobox as damaged, but the main text doesn't mention Virginia. Four urls are dead in the citations, and the article includes some overlinking. Here are a few other suggestions.

The tools at the top of this review page find four dead urls in citations.

Done
 * Overlinking. No need to link North Carolina three times in the lead or to link "state" to North Carolina in the "Meteorological history" section or again twice in the "Impact" section.

Meteorological history Done Bobby122   Contact Me   (C)  22:31, 1 October 2010 (UTC) Done Changed it up a bit. Bobby122  Contact Me   (C)  22:31, 1 October 2010 (UTC) Preparations Bobby122  Contact Me   (C)  00:02, 2 October 2010 (UTC)
 * "Ione reached its peak of 120 miles per hour (100 kn) winds" - Should the conversion be to km/h rather than knots? Ditto for similar conversions in the article? I believe km/h is standard in featured hurricane articles. WP:FA is a good place to check things like this.
 * "Ione reached its peak of 120 miles per hour (100 kn) winds... " - A bit awkward. Maybe "Ione's peak winds reached 120 miles per hour (100 kn)... "
 * "Recent flooding along the Delaware River kept residents along its recently flooded banks on alert" - Repetition: "recent flooding", "recently flooded".


 * It would be helpful to foreign readers to say where the Delaware River is and where the Regal paper mill is. Also, should Regal Paper Mill be in caps? Is "Regal" a town? If so, in what state? Why is the paper mill important enough to include? Weren't lots of other properties threatened?
 * The paper mill is important because it was dealt severe damage from previous hurricanes that year, which caused the the Delaware River flood of 1955. As a result they wanted to protect it because they had just completed repairs. I've added this to the article and cited it. Bobby122   Contact Me   (C)  00:02, 2 October 2010 (UTC)

Bobby122  Contact Me   (C)  00:02, 2 October 2010 (UTC)
 * "with cops" - "Cops" is slang; "police" would be more encyclopedic.

The source only says in New York. I will add that. Bobby122  Contact Me   (C)  00:02, 2 October 2010 (UTC) The preparations that were taken in North Carolina and New York are in the article. The Hurricane alert was only issued up to New Jersey, Massachusetts didn't have any preparations according to the sources. Bobby122  Contact Me   (C)  02:08, 2 October 2010 (UTC)
 * "Flights were canceled" - What flights? Where?
 * Preparations in North Carolina are not mentioned even though the damage was greatest there. This seems odd. Didn't North Carolina prepare in any way? What about north of New York City? Did Massachusetts prepare?


 * Link "Staten Island"?

Impact ❌ No, HMTS Monarch is a cable laying vessel. There is are several ships that were called HMS Monarch, but those were navy ships. Bobby122  Contact Me   (C)  02:05, 2 October 2010 (UTC)
 * "HMTS Monarch" - Should that be HMT (Her Majesty's Trawler) rather than HMTS?
 * "Ione caused $600 million (2005 USD) in damage, much of it from crops" - "To crops" rather than "from crops"?


 * "The rest came from flooding in an area" - Unlink "flooding"?


 * 'Ione caused seven deaths" - Where and how?

Yes those are places in North Carolina and I've linked all that have articles, which is only one. Bobby122  Contact Me   (C)  02:14, 2 October 2010 (UTC) Legacy
 * "Along the Trent river near Trent and the New River near Gum Branch, the river stage" - Are these places all in North Carolina? Can any of them be linked?
 * Because this section and the "Retirement" subsection are so short, I'd recommend merging them under the "Legacy" head. Also, I wonder if the failed model had a name or if anything more could be said about it. Did people take it seriously? Did the North Carolinians avoid preparing because they thought the hurricane would miss them? Did South Carolinians prepare for a hurricane? Or was the model not used to make public forecasts?
 * The storm had been taken seriously after what the people went through with Connie and Diane, hence the reason they were ready to move to higher ground and had dump trucks ready at the paper mill. I don't see any record of South Carolina preparing, based on the information about New York and North Carolina residents preparing I assume that the model was not taken seriously due to it being in the test phase. I'm also unsure whether the data was made public while the storm was active. They call the method behind the model the numerical method, but I don't think it had a name. Bobby122   Contact Me   (C)  02:05, 2 October 2010 (UTC)

References


 * Something's amiss with citation 12.


 * Authors should be listed last name first in the citations.


 * The date formatting in the citations should be consistent.


 * Citations should include the date of publication if it is known or can be found.

I hope these suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider reviewing another article, especially one from the PR backlog at WP:PR; that is where I found this one. I don't usually watch the PR archives or check corrections or changes. If my comments are unclear, please ping me on my talk page.