Wikipedia:Peer review/Hurricane Rick (2009)/archive1

Hurricane Rick (2009)
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because I've thoroughly searched the topic and believe it is as comprehensive as it can get with the available information. There is one source that will not be available for several months, the Tropical Cyclone Report from the National Hurricane Center; however, I would like to iron out any issues beforehand so there is less to fix prior to a GAN to incorporate this article in the Category 5 Pacific hurricanes featured topic.

Thanks, Cyclonebiskit (talk) 20:38, 24 October 2009 (UTC)

Finetooth comments: This seems broad in coverage, well-illustrated, neutral, stable, and verifiable. However, the prose will probably not pass GA in its present state, and I see a few Manual of Style issues. Here are quite a few specific suggestions for improvement.

Lead
 * "combination of an eyewall replacement cycle" - Wikilink eyewall replacement cycle?
 * "By October 19, the storm was downgraded to a Category 3 hurricane and the following day, rapid weakening led to the once Category 5 hurricane to be downgraded to a tropical storm." - Tighten to "By October 19, the storm was downgraded to a Category 3 hurricane and the following day to a tropical storm"?
 * "the NHC initially forecated Rick" - Spelling.
 * "However, following the rapid weakening, the hurricane watches were replaced by tropical storm warnings." - Suggestion: "Tropical storm warnings replaced the hurricane watches after the storm had weakened."

Images
 * Images need alt text for readers who can't see the images. WP:ALT explains how to write alt text and where to put it.

References
 * Citation 52 has a dead link.

Meterological history
 * "Around 2:00 pm PDT (2100 UTC), the NHC declared that the low had developed into a tropical depression, the twentieth of the 2009 Pacific hurricane season." - "Twentieth" should be 20th for consistency.
 * "Upon being declared, the depression featured well-developed outflow, extending out all directions." - Tighten to "The storm featured well-developed outflow in all directions"?
 * "Environmental conditions in the path of the system were exceptionally favorable for rapid development, consisting of low wind shear, high moisture content and above average sea surface temperatures." - Dangling modifier. Suggestion: "Environmental conditions consisting of low wind shear, high moisture content and above average sea surface temperatures in the path of the system were exceptionally favorable for rapid development".
 * "Deep convection had begun wrapping around the center of the system, an early indication of an eye forming." - Dangling modifier. Suggestion: Deep convection, an early indication of an eye forming, had begun wrapping around the center of the system".
 * "A possible outer eyewall, a second eye larger than the first that notes the beginning of an eyewall replacement cycle, was noted at this time." - Perhaps "that often forms at" rather than "notes"?
 * "At 3:10 pm PDT (2210 UTC), the NHC issued their second special advisory for Rick... " - "its" rather than "their"?
 * "It should be noted, however, that the pressure was not directly measured as Reconnaissance missions by Hurricane Hunter aircraft... " - Lowercase "reconnaissance" and tighten to "The pressure was not directly measured as reconnaissance missions by Hurricane Hunter aircraft.. "?
 * "were not done due to distance from land" - "were not done because the storm was far from land"?
 * "Rick maintained its peak intensity for roughly two hours, estimated by the NHC to have taken place between 7:00 pm and 9:00 pm PDT (0200 and 0400 UTC) on October 17, before it began to weaken in response to an eyewall replacement cycle and increasing wind shear." - Dangling modifier. Suggestion: "Rick maintained its peak intensity for roughly two hours. NHC estimated that the peak occurred between 7:00 pm and 9:00 pm PDT (0200 and 0400 UTC) on October 17, before the storm began to weaken in response to an eyewall replacement cycle and increasing wind shear."
 * "Wind shear and dry air quickly entered the core of the system, with the eye disappearing from satellite imagery later that morning." - Suggestion: "Wind shear and dry air quickly entered the core of the system, and the eye disappeared from satellite imagery later that morning."
 * "During the evening of October 19, the center of Rick became devoid of convective activity, resulting in the NHC downgrading it to a tropical storm." - Tighten to "During the evening of October 19, Rick's center lost convective activity, and the NHC downgraded the disturbance to a tropical storm."


 * "Upon Rick becoming a Category 4 hurricane, officials in Mexico raised the alert level in Guerrero, Jalisco and Michoacan to severe... " - Suggestion: "When Rick became a Category 4 hurricane, officials in Mexico raised the alert level in Guerrero, Jalisco and Michoacan to severe... "
 * "the alert was upgraded to a yellow alert for the municipalities" - Tighten to "the alert was upgraded to yellow for the municipalities"?
 * "The Sapphire Princess rescheduled its travel plans, remaining near San Francisco, California for several... " - Comma after California.
 * "fresh water flooding from the anticipated 3 to 6 in (76 to 150 mm) of rain... " - Hyphenate fresh-water flooding. Spell out primary unit, inches.
 * "Although several hundred miles from land, wind gusts up to 40 mph (65 km/h) were felt along coastal areas in Michoacan." - The wind gust weren't several hundred miles from land. Suggestion: "Although the storm was several hundred miles from land... ".
 * "Reports near the city also indicated that there was structural damage and significant traffic issues from rain-induced mudslides." - Strengthen to "Reports from near the city also indicated that rain-induced mudslides had caused structural damage and significant traffic problems"?

United States
 * "Although no longer a tropical cyclone, remnant moisture from Rick greatly... " Dangling modifier. Remnant moisture was not a tropical cyclone. Suggestion: "Although Rick was no longer a tropical cyclone, its remnant moisture... ".
 * "Great plains" should be "Great Plains".
 * "peaking at 9.34 in (237 mm) within a concentrated area" - Spell out "inches".
 * "The magnitude of the rainfall was a bit of a surprise." - Direct quotations need a citation immediately after the end of the quote.

Records and intensity forecasts
 * "The storm also became the thirteenth cyclone of this intensity east of the International Date Line since records in the Eastern Pacific began in 1949." - "13th" for consistency?
 * "Upon being declared a tropical depression on October 15, computer forecasting models already anticipated the likelihood of rapid intensification due to the unusually favorable environmental conditions ahead of the system." - Dangling modifier. The models weren't declared a tropical depression. Suggestion: "When Rick was declared a tropical depression on October 15, computer forecasting models had already anticipated the likelihood of rapid intensification due to the unusually favorable environmental conditions ahead of the system."
 * "The official forecast from the NHC by their second advisory stated... " - "in its second advisory was"?
 * "however, they mentioned that due to the favorable environment... " - "It" rather than "they". Or, if that sounds strange, "officials mentioned".
 * "the NHC increased their forecast peak intensity... " - "its" rather than "they"
 * "The first mention of Rick possibly becoming a Category 5 hurricane was in the seventh discussion released by the NHC on October 17." - Strengthen to "The seventh NHC discussion, released on October 17, was the first to mention that Rick might become a Category 5 hurricane"?
 * "In their advisory, it was noted that the storm had a 10% chance of reaching this intensity within 36 hours." - The advisory noted that the storm... "?
 * "Upon attaining winds of 180 mph (285 km/h), the NHC forecast Rick to peak with winds of 185 mph (295 km/h), tying the record intensity of Hurricane Linda in 1997." - Dangling modifier. The NHC didn't attain winds of any speed. Suggestion: "After Rick attained winds of 180 miles per hour (285 km/h), the NHC forecast the storm to peak... ". Spell out "miles per hour".

I hope these suggesions prove helpful. If so, please consider reviewing another article, especially one from the PR backlog. That is where I found this one. Finetooth (talk) 03:34, 1 November 2009 (UTC)