Wikipedia:Peer review/Hyderabad, India/archive2

Hyderabad, India
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because the article is now a GA and it has the potential to become an FA. Unless we kick start it with a PR, nothing can be done. The article is now comparable to other Indian FA's, and almost all possible fixes have been made.  X.One   SOS  06:45, 12 February 2012 (UTC)
 * Previous peer review

Comments. Yet to meet FA criteria 1b (comprehensiveness). Specific areas to work on are as follows. (I had only a cursory glance on the article, so may have missed something, please excuse).

Demographics More data needed; just population is not enough. Sex ratio, literacy, density, religious break-up are needed. If available, data of slums (either from census or sample surveys) is needed. Among these data, if something is noticeably different from national or state data, an explanatory line may be added (not must though, just to quench the curiosity of the reader).

Culture Mention cinema, theater, literature, architecture, any idiosyncrasies or peculiarities of the city. I see some info on cinema and theater are there in Media section, but probably these are more suitable in culture. As of now, the Culture section is too much cuisine-heavy.

Other comments No data on healthcare. Data on crime is missing. May be incorporated in Demographics section. Regards.--Dwaipayan (talk) 18:56, 17 February 2012 (UTC)

Economy Some inline comments inserted. Please address. There is no mention of informal sector of economy; I think a large number of people in Hyderabad are involved in informal sector, right? Presently, the economy section is too much tech-heavy. At times, the section reads like advertisement brochure— 4th best city to live, best place to business!. You are not selling the city!! These are ok, but not everything. There are no poor people there? Any estimate of unemployment? Any percentage of population available who are in informal sector? (I understand not every data will be available, but as much as possible is warranted). Besides the recent tech developments, Hyderabad might house important national institutions, such as Andhra Bank. Regards.--Dwaipayan (talk) 07:36, 18 February 2012 (UTC) Will work on the others shortly.  X.One   SOS  07:40, 18 February 2012 (UTC)
 * Slum data : ✅
 * Sex ratio : ✅
 * Literacy rate : ✅

Additional comment on demography. The growth rate between 2001 and 2011 is a phenomenal 87.2% !! I doubt if just population increase can cause that. There might have been increase in the area under Hyderabad city? What are the population densities in 2001 and 2011? If addition of newer areas under the city limit is a major reason for such population increase, that deserves a mention. If for some other reason, that also needs to be mentioned. 87% decennial growth rate for such a metropolitan city is unbelievable. --Dwaipayan (talk) 07:53, 18 February 2012 (UTC)

History The Telengana dispute deserves mention, as (IMHO) the disputeb and movement is actually quite old, although the agitation is new, right?--Dwaipayan (talk) 08:05, 18 February 2012 (UTC)
 * Ya, it deserves a mention. I'll see if I can sort this out soon.  X.One   SOS  11:10, 18 February 2012 (UTC)

Telangana bit and density : ✅  X.One   SOS  11:36, 6 March 2012 (UTC)

Education The following sentence "The International Institute of Information Technology, Hyderabad (IIIT) since 1998 and the Indian Institute Of Technology (IIT) since 2008 were set up with the technical and financial collaboration with the Government of Japan, as well as the Birla Institute of Technology & Science (BITS) since 2008." So all the three institutes were in collaboration with Japan?

Also, Osmania Medical College deserves a mention as the article mentions relatively less significant institutes such as Wigan & Leigh College.--Dwaipayan (talk) 22:46, 20 February 2012 (UTC)

Comments from Eisfbnore  talk 13:25, 10 March 2012 (UTC)
 * "The city is one of the largest metropolitans of India with an area of 650 square kilometres (250 sq mi) having the population of 6,809,970 and 7,749,334 living in the metropolitan area, making Hyderabad the fourth most populous city and the sixth-most populous urban agglomeration in the country."—two participial constructions (-ing) in one sentence are disfavoured. I'd swap 'making' for 'which makes'.
 * "The Kakatiya dynasty's headquarters was at Warangal."—subject-verb agreement: the headquarters are plural.
 * "There are several movements to invalidate the merger of Telangana and Andhra; major being in 1969, 1972 and now."—what follows a semicolon must always be a complete sentence; try "the major were in 1969, 1972 and now."
 * "As of 2011, the movement continues with Hyderabad being major center of strikes and agitations."—"with" is a poor linking word, and the participial construction is not very elegant, so I would try something like "As of 2011, the movement continues; Hyderabad is a major center of strikes and agitations."
 * "The Greater Hyderabad, administered by the Greater Hyderabad Municipal Corporation was created in April 2007 following an order from the Government of Andhra Pradesh."—comma after "Corporation".
 * "Hyderabad Metro, the city's under-construction rapid transit system, is expected to operate three lines by 2014."—I'm not sure whether "under-construction" is an adjective. I would rephrase the parenthetical phrase to "the city's rapid transit system currently under construction".
 * "Mahatma Gandhi Bus Station, located at center of the city, is the main bus station of the city with 74 platforms for 89 buses, carrying 80,000–120,000 passengers in a day."—in the center of the city.
 * "Among the early newspapers in Hyderabad was The Deccan Times establish in the early 1780s." → "Among the early newspapers in Hyderabad was The Deccan Times which was established in the early 1780s."
 * "Ravindra Bharati, Shilpakala Vedika and Lalithakala Thoranam are well-known auditorium for theatre and performing arts in the city."—remove the hyphen from "well-known" as it is not an adjective but an adverb+participle. Eisfbnore  talk 13:25, 10 March 2012 (UTC)