Wikipedia:Peer review/IPod shuffle/archive1

IPod Shuffle
I think this article is good, but may still need expanding. I will try to expand it, but will need help. Thanks! Jmclark911 19:58, 4 November 2006 (UTC)


 * Please see automated peer review suggestions here. Thanks, AZ t 02:13, 5 November 2006 (UTC)


 * The article suffers from a lack of inline citations. Some random examples:
 * According to Apple, owners of existing iPods had often left the music selection to "shuffle", and the new iPod shuffle was a way of implementing that in a much more cost-effective fashion.
 * The first generation shuffle weighed only 0.73 ounces.
 * It plugs directly into a computer's USB port (either 1.1 or 2.0), through which it also recharges its battery, which has an expected life of around 12 hours between charges.
 * Apple branded it as the "world's smallest MP3 player".
 * The Impact section definitely needs some more sourcing. Some parts of it look like original research right now.
 * Due to its small size (8.38 × 2.49 × 0.84 cm or 3.3 × 0.98 × 0.33 inches), Apple's web site declared first generation iPod shuffle "smaller than a pack of gum and much more fun," with the footnote on its American web site: "Do not eat iPod shuffle." Go to archive.org to find that version. Same with the next paragraph
 * Lead could be beefed up. Describe its operation (the fact that it has only two modes, no LCD screen, etc.). How successful has it been for Apple (units sold, etc.)?
 * The iPod shuffle is designed to be easily loaded with a selection of songs and to play them in random order. Sentence makes it seem as if the shuffle can only play songs randomly, which is not the case.
 * weighed only 0.73 ounces metric equivalent?
 * iTunes offers some new features for iPod shuffle. Is "new" the right adjective here? Perhaps "unique" may be a better fit?
 * lone 1 GB model at US$79, UK£55 or CDN$89 Pick one currency, then put the others in parens.
 * Link NPD to the right company, not the disambiguation page.
 * Numbers like 5th and 3rd should be "fifth" and "third".
 * No need to link those dates.
 * Those one sentence paragraphs can be combined with others to improve flow: "The main program that supports the iPod shuffle is iTunes, which is bundled with the product and can be updated from the Apple web site. Users can download music from an online music store and use the iTunes software to upload it to the device.". Also, the Criticisms section can be one paragraph.
 * Some clunky and ambiguous prose. A few examples and ways to improve:
 * and the new iPod shuffle was a way of implementing that in a much more cost-effective fashion --> and the new iPod shuffle gave consumers a more cost-effective way of doing so
 * The unit also comes with a lanyard that attaches to the iPod shuffle via an attached cap and this allows the user to wear the iPod shuffle around his or her neck. --> "The unit also ships with a lanyard that attaches to the iPod shuffle's cap. This allows users to wear the shuffle around their necks."
 * offers such things as --> "offers items such as" Gzkn 07:03, 5 November 2006 (UTC)