Wikipedia:Peer review/I Am... Sasha Fierce/archive1

I Am... Sasha Fierce
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because i think it has everything to pass for GA. I just need to know what more i can do (if needed) to make it a Good Article. I mean I need a second opinion.

Thanks, Jivesh boodhun (talk) 19:01, 20 June 2010 (UTC)

Ruhrfisch comments: Thanks for your work on this article. While it is interesting and clearly a lot of work has gone into it, I think some more work is needed before it can become a GA. Here are some suggestions for improvement. Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). I do not watch peer reviews, so if you have questions or comments, please contact me on my talk page. Yours, Ruhrfisch &gt;&lt;&gt; &deg; &deg; 04:03, 5 July 2010 (UTC)
 * I think this needs a copyedit before it will pass GAN - here are just some of the problems in the lead (not a complete list):
 * A with remix album with videography was later released in Setember 2009. (drop first "with") ✅
 * Critics received the album with mixed to positive reviews citing that the idea of including two discs was universal.  I am not sure what the phrase "citing that the idea of including two discs was universal." means and I can't even guess what it means
 * Beyonce is American so the article presumably should use American English. "Whilst" is very British in Disc one shifts themes from gender role-reversal to heartbreak whilst disc two focuses on ... ✅
 * Again "third term" just sounds odd (third quarter would be better) in ..as well as an EP titled I Am...Sasha Fierce - The Bonus Tracks were made available in the third term of 2009 in nearly every international market. ✅
 * One possible method to find spots where the prose needs polish is to print the article out and read it out loud slowly. You can also ask for help with a copyedit from another person.
 * The external link checker tool finds one dead link (to Rolling Stone) and several others that may be problematic
 * There are two fair use images in the Conception and production section of fashion designs. Neither one currently has a fair use rationale for this article and will at least need that per WP:FAIR USE. If you need a model fair use rationale see the one on File:IAmSashaFierce.jpg
 * I also am not sure either of the fair use fashion images is justified under WP:NFCC - what does seeing them add to the reader's understanding of the article that the images and words already present do not convey?
 * WP:MOSIMAGE also says not to sandwich text between two images, but the two fashion images sandwich the text on my computer.
 * Make sure the sources used as references meet WP:RS - I really doubt that current ref 153 ("I Am...Sasha Fierce Recording Locations". Ebay. http://product.half.ebay.com/I-Am-Sasha-Fierce-Deluxe-Edition_W0QQtgZinfoQQprZ78615639. Retrieved 2010-06-12.) is a reliable source. It is also from Half.com, which is not the same as eBay ✅ Removed and changed for the booklet reference. Tb hotch Ta lk C.  15:39, 5 July 2010 (UTC)
 * There is a lot of detail here, but there are also places where the article seems to hint at a more interesting story - there are 15 recording locations listed in that section (sourced to "eBay") but no discussion of this in the Production section that I could see. Similarly, there are many producers listed in the infobox, but they are not mentioned in the production section (though they are in some cases in Music)
 * A model article is useful for ideas and examples to follow. There are over 70 FAs on albums at Category:FA-Class Album articles which should include some good models.