Wikipedia:Peer review/I Miss You (Miley Cyrus song)/archive1

I Miss You (Miley Cyrus song)
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because… I want to see if it is written well and has all the possible criteria for a GA nomination. I don't know if I could nominate this article for GA because it is a non-single and doesn't have THAT much coverage. I want to know if it is possible to nominate it after making all possible improvements.

Thanks, Ipodnano05 (talk) 23:28, 3 October 2009 (UTC)

Brianboulton comments: A short article, but needs a lot of work to bring it up to standard. My comments mainly relate to the prose. as an encore to her performances, not to her tour.
 * General point: any article that passes WP:N can be a candidate for GA, provided it meets the Good Article criteria. I would say there is a way to go on this one.
 * Lead
 * "in memory of", not "in memory to"
 * received "from", not "by"
 * Problematic phrasing: "some claiming it was very organic, rock-influenced and helped Cyrus establish herself as a pop star under her own right." What does "organic" mean in this context? Also it's not clear what was "claimed" - was it three things (it was organic, it was rock-influenced, it helped Cyrus establish her career)? Or is the final clause independent from critics' claims? Basically, the sentence needs rewording.
 * You say "it has currently peaked". This is strange wording about a song that was released in 2007. When did it reach this peak position?
 * Is the clothing that she wore significant enough to warrant mention in the lead?
 * Slide shows are visual; they do not "air". They are shown or displayed. I assume, also, that this slide show was shown
 * Clarify what you mean by "it" in the last sentence. The ending is a little mawkish
 * Background
 * "Cyrus said the lyrics can be interpreted as whether you miss your parents because you are leaving home or your love, but the real meaning is in regards to her grandfather." Very confusing. Can you look again at what she said, and see if you can paraphrase it more clearly?
 * "Cyrus wrote "I Miss You" in early 2006 when it was first brought into the public eye on the Hannah Montana episode, "She's a Supersneak." More confusion. To clarify, she wrote the song in 2006. It was first brought to public notice in the Hannah Montana episode you mention. These are separate events that should not be conjoined by "when".
 * "due to the fact that" → "because"
 * "In actuality, Cyrus dedicated a tribute to her dead grandfather Ron Cyrus". I think this means that she "dedicated the song as a tribute to her late grandfather, Ron Cyrus,..."
 * Critical reception: The views of one critic are not adequate. You must expand this section to give details of what other reviewers said, so that a broader picture emerges. Some of the material in the Live performances section could perhaps be relocated here.
 * Chart performance: The section is not written grammatically. For example, the beginning: "Issue dated July 14, 2007, "I Miss You" debuted on two Billboard charts..." is both grammatically wrong and hard to interpret. Issue of what? Same comment applies to this sentence: "In its second week, issue dated July 21, fell on Billboard Bubbling Under Hot 100 Singles to number twenty-five, where it spent its last week on chart to date." Also, "twenty-five" should be written numerically.
 * Live performances: I have not read this section in detail.

I am sorry if these comments seem critical, but I hope thet can help you to raise the quality of the article. Brianboulton (talk) 23:08, 14 October 2009 (UTC)
 * Thank you so much for telling me all these helpful things. Don't worry, its just constructive criticism and the page was indeed written with very poor grammar. So thank you, I think I did everything. -- Ipodnano05 (talk) 01:07, 15 October 2009 (UTC)