Wikipedia:Peer review/Idlewild and Soak Zone/archive2

Idlewild and Soak Zone
This peer review discussion has been closed. I brought this article up to GA following a first peer review back in October/November. User:Finetooth suggested I bring it here for a second opinion before I nominate for WP:FAC. Thanks to whoever picks this up.  Grsz  11  14:03, 29 January 2009 (UTC)
 * Previous peer review
 * A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for January 2009.
 * A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for January 2009.


 * Comments I think this will need some work before FAC. The prose is often puzzling.
 * "including from Amusement Today as the second-best children's park in the world." missing adjective. One? Several? Date of award(s) would be nice too to establish context.
 * "considered one of the best in the country." Weasel wording. "Best" is never really quantifiable. "Considered" begs the question, by whom? Be more specific: "a [popular/high-profile/insert relevant adjective here] Scottish athletic and cultural festival"
 * "Later overseen by the Macdonald family, the park" Introductory clause only confuses. What's this "later" mean? In relation to what? Substitute with a more specific temporal phrase. Readers will probably not recognize who this "Macdonald family" is. Describe succinctly with a short adjective or phrase.
 * "No progress was made by the Latrobe and Ligonier Rail Road Company," Connection is not clear. The charter was granted to them? If so, say so in the first sentence. Also, why is the passive being used?
 * "Following the 1871 renewal..." Be more specific. When?
 * "finally acquired" Why finally? Had they been seeking to acquire it for a while? Explain.
 * "purchased the railroad" Ambiguous. Best to state Ligonier Valley Railroad explicitly.
 * "In an effort to increase profits..." Profits for the railroad? T. Mellon Sons and Bank?
 * "depot was considered" Why considered?
 * Why "for a weekend in the country"? Was it only open during the weekends?
 * "While the initial lease with Darlington confined the park to between the railroad and the north bank of the Loyalhanna Creek, construction of a bridge across the river allowed expansion to the south in the mid-1880s" Don't understand this. How would construction of a bridge allow expansion?
 * For the Ligonier Valley Railroad: 1878–1952 section, do we have any statistics for the number of visitors?
 * I stopped reading at the end of the Ligonier Valley Railroad section, but the above seems to suggest that a comprehensive audit of the prose for comprehension would be helpful.
 * If the two works in Works Cited are books, their titles should be italicized and not in quotation marks. Budding Journalist 23:10, 9 February 2009 (UTC)