Wikipedia:Peer review/Infamous (video game)/archive1

Infamous (video game)
This peer review discussion has been closed. I'm looking to take this to a Featured article, and looking to get feedback on prose and the like. (Content is less an issue for this). I know I can segment the development section a bit more but any other suggestions would be helpful.

Thanks, M ASEM (t) 06:20, 3 October 2009 (UTC)

Ruhrfisch comments: I have not heard of this game before and do not write video / computer game articles. The content seems fine, but I agree the prose could use somework, and there are a few other MOS issues. Here are some suggestions for improvement. Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). I do not watch peer reviews, so if you have questions or comments, please contact me on my talk page. Yours, Ruhrfisch &gt;&lt;&gt; &deg; &deg; 03:12, 18 October 2009 (UTC)
 * Prose needs some polish before FAC. Here are some examples from the first few sections:
 * Lead Is the second was needed (tighten prose): It was developed by Sucker Punch Productions and was published by Sony Computer Entertainment.
 * Fairly complicated sentence - could it be split into two to be clearer? Though the game's story follows Cole using his new abilities to restore some semblance of order to Empire City, the player is given several opportunities to use these powers for good or evil purposes in the game's Karma system, ultimately affecting character growth, the reaction of the City's populace towards Cole, and finer elements of the story.
 * word choice - inspired by sounds better than inspired from The desolate urban atmosphere was inspired from [by?] comics such as DMZ and No Man's Land, ...
 * "well receieved" is a bit more standard in The game was received well by the gaming press.
 * ... Radical Entertainment's Prototype, a video game released the following month with many similar elements of Infamous... would read better as something like ...Radical Entertainment's Prototype, a video game released the following month which had many elements similar to Infamous...
 * The Gameplay and Plot sections seem much better written
 * Development: missing phrase Infamous was developed by Sucker Punch Productions, with a team of 60 people working [on it] about three years.[7]
 * I know that plot sections do not need references, but should the Gameplay section have refs?
 * There are a few short (one or two sentence) paragraphs (like the last one in Promotion and other products) and the Sequel section is only one sentence. Could these be combined with others or expanded to improve flow?

I made some copyedits to the first two sections to try and make the prose a bit smoother - please revert if I introduced errors or made things worse. Sorry I do not have time for more, Ruhrfisch &gt;&lt;&gt; &deg; &deg; 17:45, 18 October 2009 (UTC)

Comments The plot, gameplay and development sections seem long, the development section in particular. Though they are sourced, consider that the reader may become bored. Trimming is definitely needed in the development section. --Teancum (talk) 23:45, 29 October 2009 (UTC)