Wikipedia:Peer review/International Justice Mission/archive1

I am requesting a peer review because Elmidae recommended I do so for the Criticism section of International Justice Mission. In my efforts to update and expand this page, other editors have agreed that details from Criticism would be better incorporated throughout the article. We have not come up with specific ways to do this. I am specifically looking for feedback and assistance around how to move some of the Criticism detail into other sections, such as History. Best, SE at Int&#39;l Justice Mission (talk) 21:31, 13 February 2017 (UTC)

Comments from Mr. Guye

 * You can move some of the § Criticism content, particularly actions the organization makes (like raiding brothels) to the § Activities section.This won't be the last comment I'll make.--&mdash; Mr. Guye (talk) (contribs) 18:24, 17 May 2017 (UTC)

Comments by David Fuchs
doing Der Wohltemperierte Fuchs ( talk ) 19:15, 22 July 2017 (UTC)
 * I think that it's entirely possible to axe the criticism section and fold the relevant stuff up into the activities portion. The raids can be condensed down to a few lines each and put into the activities section; there's already a paragraph here about negative responses to IJM's activities, and some of it is already duplicative of the later content (sex workers ending back up in prostitution, etc.) so that's extra content that can be cut.
 * Example of possible trim for the Thai section: IJM assisted in "rescues" in police raids on Thai karaoke restaurants in 2000 and 2003. IJM requested other local NGOs to provide translation assistance when its employees realized that the sex workers were not Thai citizens; after providing translation assistance, the Shan Women’s Network said that the raids had grossly violated the women’s human rights.[60] The group pointed out that although IJM had twice conducted a raid on the same establishment, the NGO failed to protect the women from prosecution and further victimization.[60]
 * Because the activities talk about their raids on brothels I don't think you need to mention all of the ones in the criticism section directly, but briefly group on criticisms of the crackdowns after describing them. The public health and brothel to sweatshop pipeline can probably be two more paragraphs after. The bit about criticism to IJM should either go in their activities, or in their history section; it might be a little weird to have it before the bulk of the "controversies" listed but as the article is currently structured it seems like it makes the most sense there. Der Wohltemperierte Fuchs ( talk ) 14:27, 23 July 2017 (UTC)