Wikipedia:Peer review/International labor standards/archive1

International labor standards
This peer review discussion has been closed.

Hi Guys! I've listed the article international labor standards for peer review because I've recently made substantive additions to this article in the areas titled "monitoring international labor standards" and "violations of labor standards" as part of a classroom assignment for Rice University. I was hoping to see if there would be any super awesome editors who would be willing to read over those two sections in particular to see areas that could be improved. General feedback over the entire article would also be greatly appreciated.

Thanks!, Hihappy21 (talk) 01:24, 20 November 2013 (UTC)

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- (t)  Josve05a  (c)  23:28, 22 November 2013 (UTC)

Comments from LT910001
The two sections are looking good. Unfortunately I don't know enough about this topic to make informed advice, but I will try my best. Comments below:
 * I would say that I find the language quite difficult to parse, and that overall this article would benefit from some simplification to improve readability.
 * This includes trimming verbosity and reducing jargon. Additionally, some of the conjunctions could also be cut.
 * In the given sections, I am having a bit of trouble finding the 22.9% in the source, could you point me to it? At any rate I find this a strange figure to include given the variation between countries.
 * The platitude "Operating under the mantra that “decent work is safe work,” the ILO Programme on Safety and Health at Work and the Environment, SafeWork, has the goal of making work safer for all. " could be cut
 * I am a little confused about the article's scope, as although it states that these are possibly issues that may be external to ILO issues, some sections (particularly "Unsafe working conditions") more-or-less entirely focus on the ILO and its implementation, which may be better covered in the corresponding article. Are there other examples of standards (such as those promulgated by the UN, required by the US for fair trading status, reinforced under the WTO, enforced as signatories to WHO treaties, or other agreements) that are relevant and worthy of mention?
 * Gender discrimination is given a lot of prominence in workplace discrimination. Is this prominence warranted, given the many other forms of discrimination that exist? (See WP:UNDUE). At any rate, suggest move this example down and in the first part of this section focus on discrimination in totalis.
 * What standards are violated is not mentioned in workplace discrimination
 * Statement "From the 1911 Triangle Shirtwaist Factory fire", suggest rephrase as modern examples. Some earlier examples of unsafe working conditions may include the tens of thousands of Chinese workers who died building the great wall, slaves used to construct the pyramids, and hunters of the hunter-gatherer variety.

Thanks for your edits during this course. In summary, this article reads quite well, but could be improved by ensuring that this article is more than a summary of the ILO's activities, and by making the language more accessible to lay Wikipedia readers. I hope this is helpful. Kind regards, --LT910001 (talk) 15:54, 10 December 2013 (UTC)