Wikipedia:Peer review/Ipswich 2006 serial murders/archive2

Ipswich 2006 serial murders

 * Previous peer review
 * A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for November 2008.
 * A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for November 2008.

This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because it has now reached good article status, and I want to see in what ways the article could firther be improved. I am interested in weather editors feel the two fair use images qualify under the non-free content criteria or not, I already removed non-free images of the victims. Is the article missing anything? Is prose sufficient for explainig things or are there sections where a table or some other illustrative device may be of use?

Thanks, Million_Moments (talk) 11:15, 9 November 2008 (UTC)

SGGH

I suggest:


 * "The Ipswich 2006 serial murders took place during November and December 2006 when the bodies of five murdered women were discovered at different locations near Ipswich, Suffolk, England" - this sentence makes it seem like the discovery of the bodies was the event itself, perhaps "Investigation into the Ipswich 2006 serial murders began during November and December 2006 the discovery of the bodies of five murdered women at different locations near Ipswich, Suffolk, England"
 * "A cause of death for the other victims" is a little clunky, perhaps smooth it over and make it into one sentence by incorporating the previous comment about Alderton and Clennell.
 * Last to sentences in the lead could be merge to read less bullet-point-ish
 * Infobox is fine, rest of the lead is good
 * "Police investigation" as a header, were there other investigations? Why not just "investigation"?
 * "A senior investigator with the Metropolitan Police, Commander Dave Johnston, was reported " reported by whom?
 * I have AfD'd Stewart Gul as I do not believe him notable enough for his own article, and recommended a redirect to Ipswich 2006 serial murders
 * "As of 18 December, the number of officers involved in the investigation had increased to 650 including 350 officers from 40 other police forces" - a tense confusion, "as of" has presumably been left from when the case was still open, given that it is closed and followed by a "had increased" it ought to be "By 18 December"
 * "Tania Nicol" you have wikilinked the second (or possibly multiple) use of "missing"
 * the end of the first section under court appearances has two one line paragraphs that need to be merged
 * "Steve Wright biography" this section is a bit clumsy and difficult to place within the rest of the article, perhaps put it in at the point where he is nicked. Or you could consider cutting it out as he has his own article
 * Media coverage section has a load of two/three line paragraphs that need to be merged together
 * ... as does the appear section
 * the article on steve wright is already linked to in the article so can be removed from the see also

Hope these things help, good article. SGGH speak! 20:39, 15 November 2008 (UTC)