Wikipedia:Peer review/Israel/archive2

Israel
This peer review discussion has been closed. Is it worthy of nomination for a good article, and if not what needs to be done? Thanks, Triggerhippie4 (talk) 20:12, 8 April 2012 (UTC)
 * Previous peer review


 * Comment: In my opinion, this article does not approach the level of quality required as a prerequisite for peer review. It needs extensive work on the quality of its prose, along with attention to consistency, MoS violations, formatting errors, etc. The whole thing needs a thorough copyediting, to say nothing of being thoroughly examined for comprehensiveness and neutrality problems developed over years of edit warring and disputes. Just a couple of examples:
 * Many sentences are unnecessarily wordy and seem to be cobbled together; ex. "It is a developed country, an OECD member, and its economy, based on the nominal gross domestic product, was the 41st-largest in the world in 2010, with a very high standard of living, which is the highest in the Middle East."
 * ✅. --Triggerhippie4 (talk) 00:46, 15 April 2012 (UTC)
 * The "with" construction above is repeated in a disproportionate number of sentences in the whole article, another example of which is "In the early weeks of independence, the government chose the term 'Israeli' to denote a citizen of Israel, with the formal announcement made by Minister of Foreign Affairs Moshe Sharett.
 * Redundancies such as this are abound: "The name Israel has historically been used, in common and religious usage" -- Laser brain  (talk)  04:44, 14 April 2012 (UTC)

Comments from RJH – To me it looks to be in pretty decent shape. Still, I did find a few concerns:
 * The long parenthetical text in the first sentence seems to disrupt the flow. I understand the need, but still...
 * The sentence in the lead that begins "Following the adoption of a resolution by the..." seems excessive in length. Can that be split?
 * The article mixes em-dash and en-dash. For example, the sentence beginning "The following day" mixes a partly spaced em-dash with a spaced en-dash. "...Press Freedom Index - the second highest..." uses a simple dash. You should pick one style and use it consistently. See WP:MDASH.
 * This sentence is a little confusing as I'm assuming that Syria and Lebanon are Arab countries: "Since 1964, Arab countries were trying to divert the headwaters of the Jordan to deprive Israel of water resources, provoking tensions with Syria and Lebanon."
 * "Egyptian hostilities in the Sinai": hostiles? Otherwise this is somewhat unclear.
 * There are quite a few single sentence paragraphs. This is particularly evident in the "Museums" section. The number of these should be kept to a minimum per WP:Paragraph.
 * ✅. --Triggerhippie4 (talk) 04:30, 27 April 2012 (UTC)


 * Redundant terms such as "also" can be selectively pruned. For example: "...Lebanon once again to destroy...", "...PLO also recognized..." and "Israelis also take advantage". See User:Tony1/How to satisfy Criterion 1a.
 * "In 2010, Israel proper was ranked 86th...": they seem to have dropped a bit since then.
 * ✅. --Triggerhippie4 (talk) 04:30, 27 April 2012 (UTC)


 * The History section should mention the Israeli West Bank barrier.
 * "...by European observers), Egypt adhered to this...": should this use a period rather than a comma?
 * ✅. --Triggerhippie4 (talk) 04:30, 27 April 2012 (UTC)


 * "...relations with Israel; Egypt...": should this use a colon?
 * ✅. --Triggerhippie4 (talk) 04:30, 27 April 2012 (UTC)


 * "...having had two visits from heads of state...": the meaning is unclear. Is the UK head of state visiting Israel?
 * "...billion.[231][232]In 2005...": missing a space.
 * ✅. --Triggerhippie4 (talk) 04:30, 27 April 2012 (UTC)


 * In the "Military" section, it would be good to identify the commander-in-chief and the branch of the government that runs the military.
 * ✅. --Triggerhippie4 (talk) 06:45, 28 April 2012 (UTC)


 * "The Arrow missile is one of the...": needs to clarify the source of this weapons system.
 * "Israel is considered one of the most advanced countries...": WP:WEASEL wording.
 * The "Transport" section could mention Israel's strong reputation for airport security.
 * The Israeli solar energy sector receives significant mention in three different places. Please check for redundancy.
 * "It is thought that this...": is bordering on weasel wording, despite the cites. Can this be refined?
 * "...in recent years": is dated. WP:RELTIME
 * ✅. --Triggerhippie4 (talk) 04:30, 27 April 2012 (UTC)


 * "A Social Survey for those over...": why the caps?
 * ✅. --Triggerhippie4 (talk) 04:30, 27 April 2012 (UTC)


 * "...in Israel are association football..." is followed by "The Israeli Premier League is the country's premier soccer league,...": can these be made consistent in the name of the sport?
 * ✅. --Triggerhippie4 (talk) 04:30, 27 April 2012 (UTC)


 * There are a few format consistency issues in the references:
 * BC Kessner, HS Today
 * ✅. --Triggerhippie4 (talk) 09:58, 28 April 2012 (UTC)
 * J. V. W. Shaw
 * ✅. --Triggerhippie4 (talk) 04:30, 27 April 2012 (UTC)
 * Ian Lustick
 * ✅. --Triggerhippie4 (talk) 04:30, 27 April 2012 (UTC)
 * Mark Lavie
 * ✅. --Triggerhippie4 (talk) 04:30, 27 April 2012 (UTC)
 * Anshel Pfeffer
 * ✅. --Triggerhippie4 (talk) 04:30, 27 April 2012 (UTC)
 * AN OUTLINE OF GREEK-ISRAELI STRATEGIC RELATIONS
 * ✅. --Triggerhippie4 (talk) 04:30, 27 April 2012 (UTC)
 * Moti Bassok
 * ✅. --Triggerhippie4 (talk) 04:30, 27 April 2012 (UTC)
 * Jacqueline Shields
 * ✅. --Triggerhippie4 (talk) 04:30, 27 April 2012 (UTC)
 * "L. Addis, Casey": this looks a little odd. Is it correct?
 * ✅. --Triggerhippie4 (talk) 04:30, 27 April 2012 (UTC)

Hope this helps. Regards, RJH (talk) 03:02, 20 April 2012 (UTC)