Wikipedia:Peer review/Israel Baseball League/archive1

Israel Baseball League
This peer review discussion has been closed.


 * A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for June 2008.

This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because I think I will take this article under my wing and try to get it to GA. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. I will be working on adding refs and wikifying it.

Thanks, Mm40 (talk | contribs) 00:09, 16 June 2008 (UTC) Ruhrfisch comments: I apologize my review has taken so long - I had some internet access issues. I thought this was an interesting article on a league I never heard of before. While it is clear that a lot of work has been put into it, some more is needed to improve it further. Here are some suggestions for improvement: Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). Yours, Ruhrfisch &gt;&lt;&gt; &deg; &deg; 04:09, 23 June 2008 (UTC)
 * A model article is always useful for ideas - I note that Kinston Indians is a Good Article and may be useful for ideas on style, structure, refs, etc.
 * The lead should be an accessible and inviting overview of the whole article. My rule of thumb is to include every header in the lead in some way. The lead should be at least 2 paragraphs and could be 3 I think. Please see WP:LEAD
 * It is always helpful to provide context for the reader - see WP:PCR. I think it would help to start with the history from the "Baseball in Israel" section and then go to the history of the League itself (from the first three paragraphs of the "Management" section perhaps.
 * Also provide context about details, for example in August 19 in Petach Tikva, Ron Blomberg’s Bet Shemesh Blue Sox shut out Art Shamsky’s Modi’in Miracle 3–0 in the IBL’s inaugural championship game. who are Ron Blomberg and Art Shamsky? The managers I assume? Then say so.
 * Per WP:CITE the article needs more references, for example none of the eight players who moved to the US major leagues is cited.
 * Do not have external links in the article - convert these to incline refs like the others. For example Leon Feingold of the Netanya Tigers was named Player Of The Year in a league-wide vote of the players.[14][2] where 14 is an inline cite, and 2 is just an external link.
 * My rule of thumb is that every quote, every statistic, every extraordinary claim and every paragraph needs a ref.
 * Refs that are there need more info in many cases. For example, internet refs need URL, title, author if known, publisher and date accessed. cite web and other cite templates may be helpful. See WP:CITE and WP:V
 * Miscellaneous section reads like a trivia section and needs to be removed - the information is interesting and should be incorporated into the article as regular text.
 * Avoid short (one or two sentence) paragraphs as they break up the flow of the article - expand them or combine them with others
 * Article needs a copyedit
 * Please use my examples as just that - these are not an exhaustive list and if one example is given, please check to make sure there are not other occurrences of the same problem.