Wikipedia:Peer review/Jabba the Hutt/archive1

Jabba the Hutt
I rewrote much of this article to emphasize the character's role outside the Star Wars universe. The majority of this article now deals with Jabba the Hutt from a real-world perspective. Most of the original article seemed to be copy and pasted from Wookieepedia and the Star Wars Databank and simply rehashed the plot of the films and books. I think to prepare the article for FAC it needs some "fresh" (non-Star Wars) eyes. Explanations of the changes I made can be found here: Talk:Jabba the Hutt. Any suggestions for improvement of the article to meet FAC standards will be appreciated. Dmoon1 05:37, 9 May 2006 (UTC)

Okay a few suggestions:
 * Explain some of the Star Wars terminology (e.g., What is a b'ommar monastery?)
 * I tried to explain further, but it made the paragraph too bloated; people can just click on the interwiki link if they want to know more. Dmoon1 21:21, 10 May 2006 (UTC)
 * Some sections read a little roughly/ need a little polishing
 * I assume you're talking about the "Jabba the Hutt in popular culture" section, if not, could you please give me some specific examples from other sections? Dmoon1 21:21, 10 May 2006 (UTC)
 * Literary Device and Term of Disparagement sections need work
 * Material on Dharma of Star Wars may not fit in Literary Device section, as the book is about Star Wars, Jabba is used because he is a Star Wars character, not for any particular value as a literary device.Cool3 16:57, 10 May 2006 (UTC)
 * Reorganized this section to discuss general "Usage" rather than specific instances. The Dharma of Star Wars is about Star Wars, but it explains the fictional universe's role in popular culture.
 * Thanks for the input. Dmoon1 21:21, 10 May 2006 (UTC)
 * Theres honestly not a lot to complain about, its very well written. This "Jabba the Hutt became an icon in American popular culture" though, theres no reason to believe that Jabba was any less on an icon in Australia/UK/etc..Cvene64 04:01, 11 May 2006 (UTC)
 * I originally had "Western popular culture" because I suspected that, but all of my sources were American and about Americans, so to play it safe I just said America. I'll look around though, maybe I can find a reference elsewhere. Thanks for looking the article over. Dmoon1 04:37, 11 May 2006 (UTC)
 * Mmm, I think you could replace it with Western without additional sources - I mean, Hasbro distributes in other western countries, the notability of parodies from South Park/Family Guy reach a similar audience share in other western countries etc. Cvene64 04:46, 11 May 2006 (UTC)
 * Alright then, I changed it back. Dmoon1 04:51, 11 May 2006 (UTC)

This looks very good! I've gone through and made some relatively minor copy edits; I'm sure a more thorough pass by someone wouldn't hurt anything. Here are some specific issues I noticed: The article looks very nice! You should consider an eventual Featured Article candidacy with this! — BrianSmithson 19:26, 13 May 2006 (UTC)
 * Watch commas with quotations. Wikipedia usage is to place commas inside the quotes at the end of the quotation or title only if the comma is a part of the quoted material or title itself. In other words: "In the short story 'Jojo Goes to Paris', a tale of intrigue and suspense, Jojo dies." instead of "In the short story 'Jojo Goes to Paris,' a tale of intrigue and suspense, Jojo dies." Ditto for direct quotes and partial quotes.
 * Some of the Star Wars jargon could be explained briefly in appositive statements. For example, the average reader will not know what BBY stands for, or what the "Expanded Universe" is. As for the B'omarr bit discussed above, you could add a couple words to gloss over it: "Jabba the Hutt's palace on the desert planet Tatooine is a former monastery for a group of mystics known as B'omarr monks." Adds a few words, but maybe not as strange. I tried to do something similar with the rancor.
 * Fixed this somewhat. Dmoon1 04:53, 29 June 2006 (UTC)
 * There are a few instances where I felt a citation was needed to avoid drifting into original research territory. I have added the template in these spots.
 * Fixed as many of these as possible. Deleted some statements that might be original research. Dmoon1 04:53, 29 June 2006 (UTC)
 * In the plot synopsis for Return of the Jedi, you mix first and last names up quite a bit. Leia Organa is referred to as "Princess Leia", while Han Solo is called "Solo" throughout. It's a piece of fiction, so either is okay, but I'd be consistent on whether first or last names are used after the initial full-name introduction. So, either Organa/Skywalker/Solo or Leia/Luke/Han.
 * Fixed this. Dmoon1 04:53, 29 June 2006 (UTC)
 * Is it mentioned in The Phantom Menance that Jabba is the main sponsor of the Boonta Eve Classic? If not, add a citation to this fact.
 * Mentioned on the Star Wars Databank; added citation. Dmoon1 04:53, 29 June 2006 (UTC)
 * Watch the quotes when you're not really quoting anyone. For example, "big fish in a small pond" — Is this a quote of someone? If not, it's scare quotes, which should be used sparingly. Consider rephrasing if necessary. Ditto with "walking" in the A New Hope section.
 * Elaborated on the short, non-scare quotes. Tweaked scare quotes. Dmoon1 04:53, 29 June 2006 (UTC)
 * The article's pushing 36 KB, so if cuts must be made, you might consider the quote from Donald D. Engen. It's not Jabba-specific, so it's arguably not suitable for the article.
 * Cut this. Dmoon1 04:53, 29 June 2006 (UTC)
 * I didn't read through the references in detail, but they seem fine. You might consider moving to a dual Notes/References format (like I used on Dixie (song)). I think it looks much cleaner, but in the end, it's just a matter of personal style.
 * There's some discussion on the talk page about the fact that there's no unified biography of Jabba. You could conceivably add one, which would open up the possibility of a daughter article, Biography of Jabba the Hutt. Your article would have maybe two or three paragraphs, with the template at the top of it. That might satisfy any fans who want this article to look like the one at Wookieepedia. Then again, space is already tight, and I don't think the article needs such a section unless a massive edit war ensues. :)

One more comment: If you haven't already, check these search results from Google Books and Google Scholar. They may give a bit more critical analysis of Jabba that you can use to temper the Lucasfilm-approved sources such as the DVD commentaries and behind-the-scenes books. — BrianSmithson 23:59, 13 May 2006 (UTC)
 * Gone through them already.

I would change the spoiler template to something more specific. It says plot and or details follow, but it doesn't explain what movie is being spoiled. That one is usually used for a movie article or a TV show, when you are not on the movie article itself the tag should explain what movie is being spoiled. Is it just ROTJ? Or is it spoilers from the entire saga? Also, there is no endspoiler tag. A minor detail, otherwise looks very good. VegaDark 05:49, 24 May 2006 (UTC)