Wikipedia:Peer review/Jade (Beyond Good & Evil)/archive1

Jade (Beyond Good & Evil)
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because I would like to push this article to Good article status and eventually Featured article status. Any advice would be very strongly appreciated, especially grammar-wise.

Thanks, The New Age Retro Hippie used Ruler! Now, he can figure out the length of things easily. 11:34, 16 January 2010 (UTC)

Question:: What is the purpose of the material shown below? Is it part of this article's review? Brianboulton (talk) 00:50, 21 January 2010 (UTC)
 * One is the standard peer review, the other is the WikiProject: Video Games review. --Teancum (talk) 15:35, 21 January 2010 (UTC)

So does this still need a review - looks like it got a pretty thorough sets of comments below? Ruhrfisch &gt;&lt;&gt; &deg; &deg; 02:37, 27 January 2010 (UTC)

Ruhrfisch comments: Here are some suggestions for improvement from a quick read through. Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). I do not watch peer reviews, so if you have questions or comments, please contact me on my talk page. Yours, Ruhrfisch &gt;&lt;&gt; &deg; &deg; 16:37, 27 January 2010 (UTC)
 * In the lead this needs a ref per WP:MOSQUOTE and WP:LEAD: She is a photo journalist, and was created by Ubisoft developer Michel Ancel, who had the intention of creating a character who resembled a real person rather than a "sexy action woman."
 * Odd verb (portrayed) - would "voiced by" or something like that be clearer? She is portrayed by Jodie Forrest in English and Emma De Caunes in French. 
 * I would say something like "it is the official position of the game's developer is that she has no ethnicity because she is not from Earth" for the phrase in this sentence (attribute who says it in some way): Despite discussions and comments about Jade's ethnicity by Wired.com editor Chris Kohler and forum goers, it has been established that because Jade was not from Earth, she had no real ethnicity.
 * Problem sentence - the whole rumor part is just awkward (plus the spelling of rumor / rumour - is this British or American English?): Ancel's wife, a character artist for the game, played an important role in her creation; Beyond Good & Evil public relations manager Tyrone Miller stated that a rumour existed that she was the inspiration for Jade.
 * Needs a ref again (direct quote): Ancel intended on creating a character that resembled a real person rather than a "sexy action woman." 
 * You can walk similarly to someone, but you can't "look similarly" to someone, so please fix ... he chose Shannyn Sossamon, stating that she looks and walks similarly to Jade.[1] 
 * I would add the year of the game's release and also the year(s) of the material from the possible sequel
 * Prose could use a copyedit in spots - I pointed out some, but there are others that remain.