Wikipedia:Peer review/James Goodnight/archive1

James Goodnight
This peer review discussion has been closed. I helped develop a first draft of the article with a WP:COI, which brought it up to C class. I would like to work on a second draft that would be ready for a GA review and felt getting feedback from an impartial editor would really help feed the process. CorporateM (Talk) 01:53, 19 January 2013 (UTC)

Comments The Rambling Man (talk) 18:27, 29 January 2013 (UTC)
 * Lead is too short, at least two paras are required per WP:LEAD.
 * Image caption shouldn't have a full stop nor should it repeat Goodnight's first name.
 * Still looking a little bit fan-like, with "now a multi-billion dollar company, have been widely studied".... for instance. Perhaps state something like "a company with a turnover of x billion", and reduce "widely studied" to just "studied" or similar?
 * Non-US readers may not have a clue what NC means.
 * "Software Engineer" no need to capitalise Engineer.
 * Inventor is mentioned in the infobox but nowhere else.
 * "he got a job" reads clumsily to me.
 * Don't link individual years (e.g. 2002).
 * Consider linking "Master's".
 * "As owner of two-thirds of one of the world’s largest software companies" unnecessary. Really is fancruft.  Just state the facts in a neutral tone, i.e. He is the 43rd richest American.
 * "There is some speculation about Goodnight’s retirement and succession plan. In 2008, Goodnight said he was not considering retirement.[17][24]" pretty pointless pair of sentences.
 * Most of the See also links can be woven into the article.
 * Publisher of ref 6?
 * Access dates for all the online refs?