Wikipedia:Peer review/Jay-Z/archive1

Jay-Z
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because I think it's really grown, it's being better cited, it's been cleaned up a little and I think it has a change at the big leagues.

Thanks, Taylor Karras (talk) 13:24, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

Comments from Liquidluck
 * It needs more many more references, especially in the albums sections.
 * This part: Jay-Z makes reference to the trial and incident on his songs "Izzo (H.O.V.A.)", on The Blueprint, "Threat", on The Black Album, "I Did It My Way" on The Blueprint 2: The Curse, and "Dear Summer", which was included in Memphis Bleek's 2005 release 534. Nas references this on "Ether" with the lyrics: "your man stabbed 'Un' and made you take the blame". Rival rapper Cam'ron claimed on a diss song ("Gotta Love It") that the stabbing had actually been over female rapper Charli Baltimore. is completely unreferenced, and as such violates WP:BLP- especially because it is about criminal charges. Liquidluck (talk) 23:03, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

Ruhrfisch comments: I agree with thepoints above - this is an interesting article, but I think it needs a fair amount of work before it is ready for WP:GAN, let alone WP:FAC. Here are some suggestions for improvement. Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). I do not watch poeer reviews, so if you have questions or comments, please contact me on my talk page. Yours, Ruhrfisch &gt;&lt;&gt; &deg; &deg; 01:48, 16 August 2009 (UTC)
 * The lead doe not really meet WP:LEAD. The lead should be an accessible and inviting overview of the whole article. Nothing important should be in the lead only - since it is a summary, it should all be repeated in the body of the article itself. But this sentence Reasonable Doubt, is ranked by Rolling Stone as #248 on its "500 Greatest Albums of All Time".  seems to only be in the lead, for example.
 * My rule of thumb is to include every header in the lead in some way, but several headers are not in the lead, the COntroversies section for example.
 * I agree this needs many more referemces - My rule of thumb is that every quote, every statistic, every extraordinary claim and every paragraph needs a ref.
 * Internet refs need URL, title, author if known, publisher and date accessed. cite web and other cite templates may be helpful. See WP:CITE and WP:V
 * Per WP:MOS, images should be set to thumb width to allow reader preferences to take over. For portrait format images, "upright" can be used to make the image narrower.
 * I owuld also make it clear in the photo of Jay-Z and friend in 1988 which person is Jay-Z
 * There are several free photos of Beyonce that could be used here
 * I am concerned that many of the quotations are far too long for WP:NFCC - as one example the extended quote from the Oasis singer is much too long - pick out the improtant sentences or phrases and keep those in a direct quotes and paraphrase the rest.
 * I am also concerned about several of the lyrics quoted - first off, there also NFCC concerns, but more importantly it is not clear to me in many cases that the lyrics being quoted refer to the persons the article says they do. I would use newspaper or magazine articles or other reliable sources that say in song X Jay-Z is criticizing Y (or whatever). Otherwise this seems like original research in some cases.
 * There are some short (one or two sentence) paragraphs that could be combined with others or perhaps expanded to improve the aritcle's flow
 * I also wonder if all the albums and controversies each need their own sections - I like how the Blueprint albums are in one section, could more combos like this be done? Or does the article really need two sections on Glastonbury?