Wikipedia:Peer review/Jennifer Connelly/archive1

Jennifer Connelly
This peer review discussion has been closed. This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because I want to nominate it to FA. The article has been corrected by the Guild of Copy Editors and now I need help to correct other things missing or mistaken along the article. I think it is comprehensive but needs an additional review to fix the details.

Thanks, Gduwen (talk) 19:06, 13 March 2011 (UTC)

Finetooth comments: This is interesting and generally well-done but not quite ready for FAC. Here are a few suggestions for further improvement.

Career
 * The "Monologue of Love" infobox look strange to me. Most articles have only one infobox, although I have seen exceptions. This one, though, overlaps two sections and displaces two edit buttons. In addition, it does not add much information. Might it be better to use File:Monologue of Love Jennifer Connelly.jpg by itself (with a caption), to eliminate the infobox, and to add any information in it to the main text? Most of the info is already part of the main text; you could just add the seven-inch format, the B-side, and the record company info to the sentence about "Monolugue of Love". You might have to make it a separate sentence to keep the existing sentence from getting too long.
 * ✅-- GD uwen    Tell me!   02:24, 20 March 2011 (UTC)

Early career
 * "The big-budget Disney film The Rocketeer failed[27] to ignite her career."Jennifer Connelly". Allmovie. http://allmovie.com/artist/jennifer-connelly-14510/bio." - The embedded link to Allmovie should be turned into an inline citation.
 * ✅-- GD uwen    Tell me!   16:52, 20 March 2011 (UTC)

Early 2000s
 * Quote boxes and blockquotes are usually used for quotations of four lines or more. The one in this section is about a half-line and would be better, I think, if worked into the main text. The quote box also creates a text sandwich with the image on the opposite side of the page, and this is a layout no-no. Moving the quote into the text would solve both problems.
 * ✅-- GD uwen    Tell me!   02:24, 20 March 2011 (UTC)

2005–2007
 * File:Jennifer Connelly TIFF09.jpg overlaps two sections and displaces an edit button, at least on my computer screen. This could be fixed, I think, by using the "upright" parameter instead of "200px" and moving the image up slightly.
 * ✅-- GD uwen    Tell me!   02:24, 20 March 2011 (UTC)

2008–2011
 * "played the Princeton University astrobiologist Dr. Helen Benson" - Per the Manual of Style, I would remove the academic title, "Dr.". The description is sufficient.
 * ✅-- GD uwen    Tell me!   02:24, 20 March 2011 (UTC)


 * "The movie is set during the writing of On the Origin of Species and depicts that struggle along with Darwin's religious wife, Emma, who opposed his theories while they were in deep grief over the death of their daughter Annie." - This sentence is a bit awkward. Perhaps "The movie, set during the writing of On the Origin of Species, depicts Darwin's struggle with the material and with his wife, who opposed his theories. Both are in mourning over the death of their daughter Annie."
 * ✅-- GD uwen    Tell me!   16:52, 20 March 2011 (UTC)


 * "The same year she voiced 7, in the animation film 9." - I'm assuming that 7 is a character, but I think that should be made explicit; i.e., "she voiced the character named 7" or something like that.
 * ✅-- GD uwen    Tell me!   02:24, 20 March 2011 (UTC)


 * It's generally best to place directional images so that they look into the page rather than out. File:JenniferConnellycomiccon.JPG would look better if positioned on the right.
 * ✅-- GD uwen    Tell me!   02:24, 20 March 2011 (UTC)


 * "The Vanderveers are members of the Church of the Third Millennium, conducted by pastor Dan," - Is "conducted" the right word? Maybe "led"?
 * ✅-- GD uwen    Tell me!   02:24, 20 March 2011 (UTC)

Personal life
 * "She was featured in an ad highlighting the need for clean water of people globally with the end result that people made donations to drilling projects in Africa, India, and Central America." - A bit roundabout. Suggestion: "She was featured in an ad highlighting the global need for clean water. The ad encouraged donations to drilling projects in Africa, India, and Central America."
 * ✅-- GD uwen    Tell me!   16:52, 20 March 2011 (UTC)


 * I'd work the short quote in the quote box into the main text and move the image to the right side of the page.
 * ✅-- GD uwen    Tell me!   02:24, 20 March 2011 (UTC)

References
 * The date formatting in the reference section needs to be consistent. I see three different formats, for example, across citations 1, 4, and 66.
 * ✅--I unified the date formatting in the refs.--Gunt50 (talk) 02:51, 22 March 2011 (UTC)


 * The all-caps parts of citations like 5 need to be rendered in Wikipedia house style even if the source uses all-caps; i.e., "Jennifer Connelly Feeling More at Home in Her Career".
 * ✅ I've been working on this point. I think it's done but since I'm not an expert on Mos-related stuff I'd be thankful if you could check what I did --Gunt50 (talk) 00:34, 21 March 2011 (UTC)


 * Newspaper and magazine titles like People Magazine in citation 1 and Wall Street Journal in citation 114 need to be in italics.
 * ✅-- I took care of that part. Take a look now to see if I omitted something--Gunt50 (talk) 23:27, 20 March 2011 (UTC)


 * Citation 111 is malformed.
 * ✅-- I corrected it.--Gunt50 (talk) 23:27, 20 March 2011 (UTC)


 * Citation 52 is incomplete.
 * ✅-- It's complete now--Gunt50 (talk) 23:27, 20 March 2011 (UTC)

Other
 * The tools in the toolbox at the top of this review page find two dead URLS in the citations and three links that go to disambiguation pages instead of their intended targets.
 * ✅-- GD uwen    Tell me!   17:06, 20 March 2011 (UTC)


 * Please make sure that the existing text includes no copyright violations, plagiarism, or close paraphrasing. For more information on this please see Wikipedia_Signpost/2009-04-13/Dispatches. (This is a general warning given in view of previous problems that have risen over copyvios.)
 * ✅ After a check I think it's ok, I did not detect any issue.--  GD uwen    Tell me!   21:35, 20 March 2011 (UTC)

I hope these suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider commenting on any other article at WP:PR. I don't usually watch the PR archives or make follow-up comments. If my suggestions are unclear, please ping me on my talk page. Finetooth (talk) 22:45, 19 March 2011 (UTC)

Further Finetooth comments: I re-read the article this morning. It looks very good. I found and fixed a few typos and glitches, and here are just a couple of other things, also minor, to consider or fix:


 * "while Variety Magazine wrote: "Connelly, though a shade looser and more spontaneous than usual, seems stuck at an emotional removed from the action". - I wonder if the quote has been slightly altered by mistake. It would make more sense if "removed" were "remove" without the "d". Could this be the case?
 * ✅-- GD uwen    Tell me!   19:11, 22 March 2011 (UTC)


 * I found and fixed a couple of nonconforming date formats in the citations. There might be another one or two lurking somewhere. They are not always easy to see.
 * ✅I've checked all the sources one by one and corrected the ones that were nonconforming-- GD uwen    Tell me!   19:11, 22 March 2011 (UTC)


 * Just spot-checking the sources, I noticed that the Dominic Willis of citation 59 should actually be Dominic Wills without the "i". Finetooth (talk) 16:42, 22 March 2011 (UTC)
 * ✅-- GD uwen    Tell me!   19:11, 22 March 2011 (UTC)