Wikipedia:Peer review/Jennifer Connelly/archive2

Jennifer Connelly
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because after a peer review and some extensive work in the article, it was failed. The article needs a general check to see what's wrong or to improve. The FAC must be a good way to start off.
 * Previous peer review

Thanks, GDuwen  Tell me!  23:08, 9 May 2011 (UTC)

Ruhrfisch comments: Thanks for your hard work on this - agree it is close to but not quite at FA, so here are some suggestions for improvement.
 * One dead external link
 * Repaired.✅-- GDuwen Tell me!  01:52, 25 May 2011 (UTC)

Lead
 * In the lead I think having the years of films helps give a sense of career over time. This is done for some films, but not all
 * ✅-- GDuwen <b style="color: cyan; font-size:9px">Tell me!</b>  01:44, 25 May 2011 (UTC)


 * I would add something about her personal life - her marriage and children - to the lead as well
 * Early life
 * I made some copy edits as I read - please revert if I introduced errors or made things worse.
 * Is it known where in the Catskills she was born? I kind of expected something like "... was born in Podunk in New York's Catskill Mountains..."
 * ✅-- <b style="color: #E62020; font-size:13px">GD</b><b style="color: #273BE2; font-size:13px">uwen</b> <b style="color: cyan; font-size:9px">Tell me!</b>  01:44, 25 May 2011 (UTC)


 * Any idea when the family moved to Woodstock (or about how old she was when she lived there)?
 * ✅-- <b style="color: #E62020; font-size:13px">GD</b><b style="color: #273BE2; font-size:13px">uwen</b> <b style="color: cyan; font-size:9px">Tell me!</b>  01:44, 25 May 2011 (UTC)


 * I would give the years she was at Yale and/or Stanford
 * ✅-- <b style="color: #E62020; font-size:13px">GD</b><b style="color: #273BE2; font-size:13px">uwen</b> <b style="color: cyan; font-size:9px">Tell me!</b>  01:44, 25 May 2011 (UTC)


 * Career
 * Why is "World of Goblins" capitalized that way?
 * Because it's a place-- <b style="color: #E62020; font-size:13px">GD</b><b style="color: #273BE2; font-size:13px">uwen</b> <b style="color: cyan; font-size:9px">Tell me!</b>  01:44, 25 May 2011 (UTC)


 * Link her film Étoile (Ballet)
 * ✅-- <b style="color: #E62020; font-size:13px">GD</b><b style="color: #273BE2; font-size:13px">uwen</b> <b style="color: cyan; font-size:9px">Tell me!</b>  01:44, 25 May 2011 (UTC)


 * Anytime she is in a film in a new year, I would give the year
 * I improved the movies' chronology throughout the article.✅ --Gunt50 (talk) 15:14, 25 May 2011 (UTC)

More to come - I am still working ion this, just busy IRL Ruhrfisch <sub style="color:green;">&gt;&lt;&gt; &deg; &deg; 21:28, 25 May 2011 (UTC)


 * Please make sure that the existing text includes no copyright violations, plagiarism, or close paraphrasing. For more information on this please see Wikipedia_Signpost/2009-04-13/Dispatches. (This is a general warning given in all peer reviews, in view of previous problems that have risen over copyvios.)

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). I do not watch peer reviews, so if you have questions or comments, please contact me on my talk page. Yours, Ruhrfisch <sub style="color:green;">&gt;&lt;&gt; &deg; &deg; 21:47, 24 May 2011 (UTC)


 * I finished a light copyedit - I just tried to fix the most obvious rough spots and if you can get another person to look this over, that would probably help.
 * We'll ask the member of the c/e Guild who reviewed the article for the last time to read the it again before nominating. --Gunt50 (talk) 16:18, 26 May 2011 (UTC)
 * One thing to look for is consistency in tenses - usually things are described in the past tense, but then some sentences or phrases are in the present tense, which seems odd.
 * ✅-- <b style="color: #E62020; font-size:13px">GD</b><b style="color: #273BE2; font-size:13px">uwen</b> <b style="color: cyan; font-size:9px">Tell me!</b>  18:25, 29 May 2011 (UTC)

Hope this helps, Ruhrfisch <sub style="color:green;">&gt;&lt;&gt; &deg; &deg; 02:46, 26 May 2011 (UTC)
 * I would also watch WP:OVERLINKing - the rule of thumb is to link once in the lead, and once in the body of the article, both on the first use. Revlon is linked twice in two sections, for examples
 * It's not the first time a reviewer points out overlinking on the article. I tried to reduce it . You should read the article again to make sure I did it alright this time. --Gunt50 (talk) 16:18, 26 May 2011 (UTC)
 * I kind of expected there to be some mention of her meeting Bettany in the Beautiful Mind paragraph (although it is in Personal life)
 * We didn't mention him since we tried to avoid mixing the sections. (I mean, the section career concerns her professional background, and that's why we omitted him on the Beautiful Mind tex)--Gunt50 (talk) 16:18, 26 May 2011 (UTC)
 * The TriBeCa garage lawsuit paragraph seems like it is too big - see WP:WEIGHT I think the first sentence is OK, but the rest of the paragraph could probably be boiled down to just one more sentence that although a city judge initially issued an injuction, the state appeals court eventually allowed construction to proceed.
 * I took care of that --Gunt50 (talk) 16:18, 26 May 2011 (UTC)