Wikipedia:Peer review/Joey Hamilton/archive3

Joey Hamilton
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because it has gone through FAC twice with two peer reviews prior to each FAC. However, both times the article has not been promoted. Obviously, I'd like to make sure the 3rd one is a success so any comments are appreciated.
 * Previous peer review

Thanks, Giants  27  ( Contribs  |  WP:CFL ) 16:48, 9 January 2010 (UTC)


 * Comments from Laser brain

General
 * I would say the prose is in pretty good shape. However, see below; it requires expansion to be comprehensive.
 * The article is essentially an amalgamation of stats, injuries, and trades; as such, it's not engaging. I can go to a stats web site and read as much, in a convenient list format. You'll need to do more research and get information on his style of play, strengths and weaknesses, and so on. You don't even mention in the prose that he is right-handed; there shouldn't be anything in the infobox that the reader can't get in the prose. No information on types of pitches, specializations, and so on. I'd say it's quite a ways away from being comprehensive. Time to hit the library!

Lead
 * "Following high school, Hamilton attended Georgia Southern University, spending three years there." For simplicity, why not: "Following high school, Hamilton attended Georgia Southern University for three years."
 * "He started his professional career" Perhaps better: "His professional career started"
 * Careful with the name repetition in the lead. You don't talk about anyone else but Hamilton, so there is little need to repeat his name in consecutive sentences.
 * "In March 2005, two days after signing with the New York Mets, they released him." You might at least hint at why here in the lead. Readers will immediately wonder; why force them to read all the way down to find out?
 * The last sentence seems odd, since no one would be expecting such a player to be considered for the Hall of Fame. It's not interesting or notable that he was only "eligible" for the Hall of Fame, as I'm assuming almost everyone is at some time or another.

Early years and college
 * "It was soon discovered that Hamilton was suffering from an elbow injury,[4] which forced him to have surgery in 1992.[4]" Why the repeated citations? One after the sentence is sufficient.
 * "eventually signed him for $415,000" For how many years? And why do we need three citations for that?

Professional career
 * "saying that he feared he may lose the ability to throw 100 miles per hour" Imagine you know nothing about baseball and you are reading this; why is that significant?

After baseball
 * Again, the Hall of Fame thing is probably not worth mentioning. It would be if anyone actually voted for him, but no one did. You could lump the retirement bit in with the previous heading.

I hope you found my comments useful. -- Andy Walsh  (talk)  19:54, 21 January 2010 (UTC)