Wikipedia:Peer review/Judgment Day (2008)/archive1

===Judgment Day (2008)===


 * A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for December 2008.
 * A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for December 2008.

This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because… I would like to have suggestions be made for the article to try and aim the article to Feature article status. Any comments would be appreciated.

Thanks, --  ThinkBlue  (Hit BLUE) 20:32, 3 December 2008 (UTC) :Note: Because of its length, this peer review is not transcluded. It is still open and located at Peer review/Judgment Day (2008)/archive1.

Comments from WillC
 * Lead


 * I don't think main event needs a link. It is too common a word.-- Will C  02:54, 4 December 2008 (UTC)
 * Too much detail on a steel cage match. I would change it too: The main event was fought in a ring surrounded by four sheets of mesh metal in what is called a Steel cage match for the WWE Championship, in which Triple H defeated Randy Orton to retain the championship.-- Will C  02:54, 4 December 2008 (UTC)
 * Add (PPV) next to the first mention of pay-per-view and then change all of the other pay-per-views to PPV.
 * Add part of the reception to the third paragraph.
 * I'll finish this later. I'm surprised I got this much done.-- Will C  02:54, 4 December 2008 (UTC)
 * Done. --  ThinkBlue  (Hit BLUE) 23:11, 4 December 2008 (UTC)


 * Background


 * Change fan favorite to hero or heroic. Will C  22:33, 12 December 2008 (UTC)
 * I was told the opposite, but check. --  ThinkBlue  (Hit BLUE) 23:31, 12 December 2008 (UTC)
 * When talking about the event it should be in pass tense. Like this sentence: "The main event scripted into Judgment Day on the Raw brand featured WWE Champion Triple H (Paul Levesque) defending the title against Randy Orton in a match where the ring is surrounded by walls of steel, dubbed as a Steel cage match." Change the "is" to a "was" and follow that format with other explanations. Will C  22:33, 12 December 2008 (UTC)
 * Done. --  ThinkBlue  (Hit BLUE) 23:31, 12 December 2008 (UTC)
 * "authority figure William Regal (Darren Matthews), a portrayed match maker and rules enforcer," The explanation of his position is not needed. Will C  22:33, 12 December 2008 (UTC)
 * I thought that was required. --  ThinkBlue  (Hit BLUE) 23:31, 12 December 2008 (UTC)
 * Booked is a redirect. Change slang to terms. Will C  22:33, 12 December 2008 (UTC)
 * Check. --  ThinkBlue  (Hit BLUE) 23:31, 12 December 2008 (UTC)
 * Remove the coma after Edge's real name. Will C  22:33, 12 December 2008 (UTC)
 * Check. --  ThinkBlue  (Hit BLUE) 23:31, 12 December 2008 (UTC)
 * Change "World title" to just title or championship. It means the same and it less jargon. Will C  22:33, 12 December 2008 (UTC)
 * Check. --  ThinkBlue  (Hit BLUE) 23:31, 12 December 2008 (UTC)
 * Try to eliminate Kayfabe all together in the article. The article Kayfabe is terribly written and has its own sense of in-universe. It would better to not use it at all. Instead change it to use Plot, Narrative, Scripted, storyline along those lines. Those are a few I've been told to use. Will C  22:33, 12 December 2008 (UTC)
 * Check. --  ThinkBlue  (Hit BLUE) 23:31, 12 December 2008 (UTC)
 * All editions should be episode. Will C  22:33, 12 December 2008 (UTC)
 * Check. --  ThinkBlue  (Hit BLUE) 23:31, 12 December 2008 (UTC)
 * Link "powerbomb" Will C  22:33, 12 December 2008 (UTC)
 * No need, its already linked with "Batista Bomb". --  ThinkBlue  (Hit BLUE) 23:31, 12 December 2008 (UTC)
 * I'll do the Event after these are done. Will C  22:33, 12 December 2008 (UTC)


 * Event


 * Change "Before the event went live on pay-per-view (PPV), Hardcore Holly (Bob Holly) and Cody Rhodes (Cody Runnels) defeated Santino Marella (Anthony Carelli) and Carlito (Carly Colón) in a dark match to retain the World Tag Team Championship" to "Before Judgment Day aired live on PPV, Hardcore Holly (Bob Holly) and Cody Rhodes (Cody Runnels) defeated Santino Marella (Anthony Carelli) and Carlito (Carly Colón) in a match that did not air of PPV called a dark match to retain the World Tag Team Championship."
 * Done. --  ThinkBlue  (Hit BLUE) 23:54, 12 December 2008 (UTC)
 * How did JBL dominate the match? That needs to be explained.
 * He "dominated" because he worked on Cena's shoulder. --  ThinkBlue  (Hit BLUE) 23:54, 12 December 2008 (UTC)
 * The whole CFH thing is not needed. Just finish it without telling about that. Say Cena lifted him up and slammed him down over his left shoulder in a move he dubs the FU to gain the pinfall victory. Sound better and less blue links since the name should be linked and not the explanation. Will C  23:28, 12 December 2008 (UTC)
 * Comma after Miz and Morrison. Will C  23:28, 12 December 2008 (UTC)
 * Done. --  ThinkBlue  (Hit BLUE) 23:54, 12 December 2008 (UTC)
 * ECW Champion is not needed. It has really nothing to do with the match. The belt was not on the line. Will C  23:28, 12 December 2008 (UTC)
 * Done. --  ThinkBlue  (Hit BLUE) 23:54, 12 December 2008 (UTC)
 * Explain what the Moonlight drive is. Will C  23:28, 12 December 2008 (UTC)
 * Don't know how. --  ThinkBlue  (Hit BLUE) 23:54, 12 December 2008 (UTC)
 * IC Champion thing is not needed since the belt was not on the line. Will C  23:28, 12 December 2008 (UTC)
 * Done. --  ThinkBlue  (Hit BLUE) 23:54, 12 December 2008 (UTC)
 * Change "applied the modified figure four leglock" to "applied a modified figure four leglock" Will C  23:28, 12 December 2008 (UTC)
 * Done. --  ThinkBlue  (Hit BLUE) 23:54, 12 December 2008 (UTC)
 * Most of these matches go too in-depth. All the undercard matches should just say the notable spots. An elbow drop isn't really a notable move. Lets say The Walls of Jericho is and mainly their finishers. In the women's match the backbreaker is notable but drop kicks and near falls take up too much space and FA reviewers will want that cut down to the main stuff. I would cut down alot on the undercard matches. Will C  23:28, 12 December 2008 (UTC)
 * I removed somewhat unimportant info., hope it helps. --  ThinkBlue  (Hit BLUE) 23:54, 12 December 2008 (UTC)
 * The move names should be linked instead of the description so that is needed to be done to the entire article, not only for consistency but to get rid of the sea of blue as it was called in Lockdown's review. Plus that was a problem in earlier FACs. SummerSlam 03 had alot of blue and there was not so much in GAB 05 which FA reviewers liked. Will C  23:28, 12 December 2008 (UTC)
 * Low blow is a jargon phase. Change it to "hit him in the groaning area." Will C  23:28, 12 December 2008 (UTC)
 * Done. --  ThinkBlue  (Hit BLUE) 23:54, 12 December 2008 (UTC)
 * I'll do the aftermath after all of these are done. I believe you should cut down alot of the event section. To a point it doesn't read like a play by play and more of just notable point report. Link all the names of the moves that are in the article instead the description. That will help clam the sea of blue. Will C  23:28, 12 December 2008 (UTC)


 * Aftermath and Reception


 * First you should place a table on screen talent similar to the one in Lockdown and place above it. I just like that in articles. Will  C  00:29, 13 December 2008 (UTC)
 * I disagree that a "table" is needed. Even if I were to add a table, I would have to add it to the Event section, since it was brought up to me in a GA review. As for the further thing goes, the Aftermath section doesn't just mention One Night Stand, but it mentions Night of Champions, SummerSlam, and Unforgiven, so there's no point for a 'further' mention. --  ThinkBlue  (Hit BLUE) 21:39, 14 December 2008 (UTC)
 * authority figure is not needed anymore since that has been established. Will C  00:29, 13 December 2008 (UTC)
 * Done. --  ThinkBlue  (Hit BLUE) 21:39, 14 December 2008 (UTC)
 * PPV has been established, just change "pay-per-view" to "PPV" for all mentions. Will C  00:29, 13 December 2008 (UTC)
 * I disagree, see Over the Edge (1999). --  ThinkBlue  (Hit BLUE) 21:39, 14 December 2008 (UTC)
 * I would change the Last Man Standing match description to the one in SummerSlam (2003) or to the one in the background in Hard Justice (2008). Will C  00:29, 13 December 2008 (UTC)
 * Done. --  ThinkBlue  (Hit BLUE) 21:39, 14 December 2008 (UTC)
 * You never explained what a Triple Threat match is. Well you did in the event but you didn't give it a name. I would tell it in the women's match.
 * Has been mentioned. --  ThinkBlue  (Hit BLUE) 21:39, 14 December 2008 (UTC)
 * I don't understand what the EC Championship has to do with this event at all. Kane didn't defend the title and nothing was ever spoken about it.
 * True, but its the "Aftermath" of Judgment Day. --  ThinkBlue  (Hit BLUE) 21:39, 14 December 2008 (UTC)
 * I don't see anymore problems besides maybe adding more external links like I did in Lockdown. I'll wait a week and give the article a copyeit and read it one more time. Will C  00:29, 13 December 2008 (UTC)
 * There's no reason to add more External links, since Wikipedia's purpose is not to include a comprehensive list of external links related to each topic, per here; No Way Out '04. --  ThinkBlue  (Hit BLUE) 21:39, 14 December 2008 (UTC)

SRX's Comments
Lead
 * Seven professional wrestling matches were featured on the event's card. - This should be placed as the first sentence in the second paragraph of the lead
 * Check.
 * Main event is not as common as most people believe, so a link will help.
 * The main event was fought in a ring surrounded by four sheets of mesh metal, dubbed as a Steel cage match, for the WWE Championship, in which Triple H defeated Randy Orton to retain the championship. - this is actually too much OOU for the lead, how about In the main event, WWE Champion Triple H defeated Randy Orton to retain the championship in a ring surrounded by four walls of mesh metal, called a Steel Cage.
 * Check.
 * Since you are using brand differentiating in the lead, the above sentence should reflect that by saying it featured Raw wrestlers.
 * Example?
 * The Undertaker won the match by countout, but did not win the title since championships cannot be decided by countout or disqualification. - since sounds awkward, how about because
 * Check.
 * The predominant match on the SmackDown brand was Edge versus The Undertaker for the vacant World Heavyweight Championship.  - from not on
 * Check.
 * The primary match on the ECW brand was a tag team match for the WWE Tag Team Championship between champions, The Miz and John Morrison, and Kane and CM Punk, which Miz and Morrison won to retained the championship.  --> In the prime match from the ECW brand, WWE Tag Team Champions The Miz and John Morrison defeated Kane and CM Punk to retain the titles.
 * Check.
 * Judgment Day received 252,000 pay-per-view buys, up on the Judgment Day 2007 event figure of 242,000 buys. --> Judgment Day received 252,000 pay-per-view buys, and was instrumental in helping WWE increase its pay-per-view revenue by $21.9 million compared to the previous year.
 * In addition, is the total # of ticket buys not available? Plus, no need to link to the USD because the event is American.
 * No, check the quarterly results.
 * When the event was released on DVD, it reached the third peak position on Billboard's DVD Sales Chart.  --> When the event was released on DVD, it peaked the third position on Billboard's DVD Sales Chart. 
 * Check.
 * If I were you, I would find other receptions from other websites, it doesn't matter if they are unreliable because we just want receptions, so in that way in the lead you can sum up what all of them said.SRX 15:27, 20 December 2008 (UTC)
 * The Undertaker won the match by countout, but did not win the title because championships cannot be decided by countout or disqualification.  - this is only in WWE, so specify that.
 * Done. --  ThinkBlue  (Hit BLUE) 01:14, 22 December 2008 (UTC)
 * Featured matches on the undercard included Shawn Michaels versus Chris Jericho and John Cena versus John "Bradshaw" Layfield (JBL). - it was discouraged to use "featured matches." Use the example I gave at Over the Edge (1999)'s lead, which had the matches that had more promotion than others. Since this is a PPV about brands, see Survivor Series (2007)'s lead about the matches, as it provides a good example on how to word this section.
 * I think. --  ThinkBlue  (Hit BLUE) 19:25, 22 December 2008 (UTC)
 * Seven professional wrestling matches, performances with pre-determined outcomes between wrestlers with fictional personalities that are portrayed as real, were featured on the event's card. The buildup to the matches and the scenarios that took place before, during, and after the event were planned by WWE's creative staff. The event starred wrestlers from the Raw, SmackDown and ECW brands – storyline expansions of the promotion where employees are assigned to wrestling brands under the WWE banner. Wrestlers portrayed either a villainous or hero gimmick, as they followed a series of events which generally built tension, leading to a wrestling match. - use the prose I used at Survivor Series (2007), as it is the most updated version of this intro.--SRX 17:56, 21 December 2008 (UTC)
 * Well, I wrote the suggestion from Survivor Series to JD. --  ThinkBlue  (Hit BLUE) 01:14, 22 December 2008 (UTC)

Comments from WillC part two Like I said, I was going to wait a week or so and re-read it. I'm about to start my second review.-- Will C  05:02, 31 December 2008 (UTC)
 * Lead