Wikipedia:Peer review/Khalid ibn al-Walid/archive1

Khalid ibn al-Walid
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because i am planning to forward it for FA nomination, i want to further improve it, it must be able to pass at least GA nomination. So suggestions plz.......

Thanks, الله أكبر  Mohammad Adil  20:36, 5 January 2010 (UTC)

Ruhrfisch comments: This is interesting and fairly well done - though it obviously has had a lot of work put into it, I think it needs some additional work to be promoted at WP:GAN or especially at WP:FAC. Here are some suggestions for improvement. Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). I do not watch peer reviews, so if you have questions or comments, please contact me on my talk page. Yours, Ruhrfisch &gt;&lt;&gt; &deg; &deg; 04:42, 16 January 2010 (UTC)
 * Looking at the infobox, there is some WP:OVERLINKing and also some links that are not the correct ones. For example, Emesa is linked twice in one line "Emesa, Syria. Buried in Khalid ibn al-Walid Mosque, Emesa." and Commander in "Commander of Mobile guard (634–638)"
 * The first sentence has some problems: Khālid ibn al-Walīd (Arabic: خالد بن الوليد‎; 592-642) also known as Sayfu l-Lāhi l-Maslūl (or Sayfullah, the "Drawn Sword of God", "God's Drawn Sword" or simply "Sword of God"), was [a?] Sahabi, a companion of Islamic prophet Muhammad, and one of the most successful commanders in history.[1] First there seems to be a missing article ("a") before Sahabi, second in the lead I would only list one version of "Sword of God" here (the different versions can be given in the body of the article).
 * There are places where the article seems to be in danger of violating WP:NPOV - for example in the lead "tactical marvel" seems to be POV in He is also remembered for his decisive victories at Yamamah, Walaja, Ullais and his tactical marvel, the Yarmouk. Note that if it is a direct quote and cited, it would be OK and for what noted historian X has called "his tactical marvel", the Yarmouk
 * There are several places that need references - for example the "In popular culture" section has no refs at all. There are also some citation needed tags in there that need to be fixed.
 * The article uses bquote in multiple places, but most of these are less than one line long. WP:MOSQUOTE says A long quote (more than four lines, or consisting of more than one paragraph, regardless of number of lines) is formatted as a block quotation... Most of these should be moved back into the text (not used a block quotes)
 * The writing is uneven and needs a copyedit - there are places where articles (a, an, the) are missing, and others where it is just ungrammatical This was Heraclius' last attempt to achieve a came back on Syrian front. - should be "a come back" and it should be "on [the] Syrian front". Or this needs a lot of work - I am not even sure what it means exactly: Claiming him Caliph Abu Bakr's lieutenant who help him suppressing supporters of Ali's who demanded right of Ali to politically succeed Prophet Mohammad.[119]
 * The article has to be consistent about all of the little things - one example is "Prophet Mohammad", "Prophet Muhammad", "Islamic prophet Muhammad", "Muhammad" - I would pick one and use that consistently.
 * The maps are nice, but they are almost impossible to read - can the text be made any larger?
 * Article does not follow WP:ITALIC in places - quotations are not italicized (except for foreign words), names that are not the main person in the article are not generally bolded.


 * Done, all suggestions except for the one related to campaign maps, if i make their text larger, then it will look ugly so i left it as it was, any reader who will be interested in maps will click on them to take a zoomed in look.
 * and as for citations in the section popular culture, i am not sure whether they need citations or not, because it largely focus on tanks and submarines named after khalid, which is obvious from there name (for instance Al-Khalid main battle tank !). Do they still need a reference ?


 * any ways Thanks for ur suggestions they really help. Any other suggestions ?

الله أكبر Mohammad Adil  13:08, 16 January 2010 (UTC)