Wikipedia:Peer review/Kirkcaldy/archive5

Kirkcaldy
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because i need a bit of help. Since the failed nomination for FA back in July of last year, a partial copy-edit of the article has been completed. This is of the first three sections, consisting of history, governance and geography. I have been advised by another user that other sections such as economy, culture and landmarks require this too, as well as giving me suggestions on these three sections. I took this advice and both the economy and landmarks sections have been cut back. Although i would still like to add statistical details for the town such as localised GDP on the economy section, i believe the info is not avaliable. Other than that, i am still aiming for FA.
 * Previous peer review

Thanks, Kilnburn (talk) 20:14, 13 March 2012 (UTC)
 * I'll do this. --Noleander (talk) 20:47, 12 April 2012 (UTC)

End Noleander comments. --Noleander (talk) 20:49, 12 April 2012 (UTC)
 * Begin Noleander comments
 * Italic disambig hatnotes at top: Combine the top two into one hatnote.  Maybe even try to get all 3 into one.
 * Lead seems to be missing some links, such as Adam Smith College... try to add more.
 * Wording: "However, the burgh  .." - It is almost always a bad idea to  start a sentence with "However", especially at the start of a paragraph. Re-word, or merge with prior paragraph.
 * Missing word? "The town the advantage of its east .." - missing something there.
 * "only twelve ships in its harbour, six of which were owned by townsfolk." - who owned the other ships?
 * "The centre of medieval Kirkcaldy may have been located at the corner of Kirk Wynd and the High Street." - May help readers if you say "Historians are not certain where the centre ..., but some have speculated ..." or similar.
 * Arithmetic: "18.8% were married couples living together, 35.5% were one-person households, 7.9% were co-habiting couples and 10.1% were lone parents." - that does not add up to 100%
 * " Other important economic sectors in Kirkcaldy's economy.." - should remove redundant "economic".
 * Wording: "Kirkcaldy's town centre, which serves a large catchment area of around 130,000 residents ..." - I've never seen catchment used in that sense before; double check to make sure it is okay (it may be fine)
 * Wording: "However, these plans are in serious doubt, following news ..." - the phrase "serious doubt" doesnt sound very encyclopedic; too colloquial.
 * Clarify: " play in the Scottish Football League First Division ..." - readers would benefit if you said "played in the second-highest Scottish FL, the ..."; they may get misled since "First" implies it is the topmost league
 * Define terms: "The oldest church in Kirkcaldy is the Category B listed ..." - Since you use Category A/B/C several times, you should define it so readers can understand.  E.g. "The UK historic sites committee has designated the church as a Category B .." (I'm just making that up .. you get the idea).
 * Wording: "The first grammar school was Kirkcaldy Burgh School ..." - First in the world? in Scotland? In town?
 * Wording: "Adam Smith College who have..." - Probably better as Adam Smith College which has ..."
 * Less puffery: "Kirkcaldy is the birthplace of many notable people such as the .." - Try "Kirkcaldy is the birthplace of  the .."
 * Wording: "such as a swimming pool, the ice rink, and .." - should be "an ice rink"
 * Define: " with flagstones covering small burns running ..." - I hate to sound like an ignorant Yank, but what is a burn?  Define (or link to Burn (landform)) for the reader.
 * Link: "traffic along Kirkcaldy's High Street, ..." - Since "High street" is used several times in the article as a generic noun, you should probably link to High street so non-UK readers can get the definition.
 * The article contains a few erroneous external links. Use this tool:  dead link finder  to see them.
 * Wording: "A new £15 million leisure centre to replace Kirkcaldy Swimming Pool is to be built on the site of the existing ..." - better to say "is being built", or "is planned to be built" or " is under construction with a planned completion date .."
 * Explain source: "Taylor and Márkus ..." - it is okay to name a source like that, but you should indicate to the reader why they are an authority that is worth naming. Something like "Scottish historians Taylor and Markus have analyzed ..." etc.
 * Final note: It looks like a fine article, with some great pictures.  I see you already nominated it once for FA, and it was not promoted.  You appear to have fixed all the citing/sourcing issues; so the key (and hardest) task is the prose/grammar/flow.   That is not my strong suit.   I'd recommend that you implement the suggestions above (at least the ones you agree with :-) then get one more editor who is a great copy-editor to make one more pass; then go to FAC.  To get a copy-editor: either post it again here on PR (after waiting 14 days); or look for a volunteer from the Guild of Copy Editors. Good luck!