Wikipedia:Peer review/Kurt Hummel/archive2

Kurt Hummel
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because it was previously not promoted to FA status during it's candidacy. I would eventually like to take it back there at some point, but I'm going to need a peer review before doing so. It's received numerous copy-edit's.
 * Previous peer review

Thanks, HorrorFan121 (talk) 21:24, 14 July 2011 (UTC)

Ruhrfisch comments: Thanks for your work on this article. I have never seen Glee. Here are some suggestions for improvement. Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). I do not watch peer reviews, so if you have questions or comments, please contact me on my talk page. Yours, Ruhrfisch &gt;&lt;&gt; &deg; &deg; 03:02, 2 August 2011 (UTC)
 * I would treat the FAC as a detailed peer review and make sure that the issues raised there have been addressed. The two issues I saw were references and prose. I did not check the references as closely as they would be in a new FAC, but they looked pretty good to me. That said, at FAC every i needs to be dotted and every t crossed.
 * I do think the prose still needs work. Again it is not bad, but the standard for FAC is "it is (a) well-written: its prose is engaging, even brilliant, and of a professional standard;'' - see WP:WIAFA
 * I will try to point out some examples where the prose could be improved, but I also note that the MOS says if at all possible images should be laid out so that they face into the page. They should not be laid out to draw the reader's eyes out of the page. The image of Ryan Murphy should be right justified (not left).
 * Ditto with the image in the Accolades section
 * Since the actor protraying Kurt has been nominated for a supporting actor Emmy, I would mention that in the lead (as it seems to have more bearing on the character)
 * The first sentence just seems not to flow as well as it could Kurt Hummel is a fictional character, one of the male leads in the Fox musical comedy-drama series Glee. what about Kurt Hummel is a fictional character and one of the male leads in the Fox musical comedy-drama series Glee.?
 * Again, the second sentence is decent, but not brilliant prose. He is portrayed by Chris Colfer and has appeared in Glee beginning with its pilot episode, first broadcast on May 19, 2009. I would try to avoid passive voice wherever possible. How about instead Chris Colfer portrays Kurt, who has appeared in Glee since the May 19, 2009 broadcast of its pilot episode. ?
 * Avoid unneeded repeptition - why does Ohio need to be in this sentence twice? Glee follows the trials of an Ohio-based glee club, called "New Directions", at the fictional William McKinley High School in the town of Lima, Ohio. Tighten to Glee follows the trials of the "New Directions" glee club at the fictional William McKinley High School in Lima, Ohio.
 * Another problem sentence - it is not clear what the antecedent of the phrase "near the bottom of the school's social hierarchy" is, for example. Throughout the first season, Kurt is a member of the glee club, which is the show's primary musical group, and near the bottom of the school's social hierarchy. So perhaps In the first season, Kurt is near the bottom of the school's social hierarchy and is a member of the glee club, the show's primary musical group.
 * A model article is useful for ideas and examples to follow. There are several FAs on fictional characters at Featured_articles which may be useful models. Bernard Quatermass is on a character portrayed by a real person (also several on animated characters)
 * I would look at the model FAs to see how they deal with tense - since the two seasons of Glee are done (or soon will be), I expected the description of them to be in the past tense (and not in the present tense)
 * I am not sure what "leaned on" means in this sentence: Initially Glee's creators leaned on Kurt being overly flamboyant, but Colfer said he had not wanted to take that approach "because it's so overdone. Does it mean that they depended on it initially, or that they did not want to do it or what?
 * Peer review is not a place to fix or even point out every problem in an article. This needs a copyedit - WP:GOCE or WP:PR/V are places to look / ask for help.
 * Please make sure that the existing text includes no copyright violations, plagiarism, or close paraphrasing. For more information on this please see Wikipedia_Signpost/2009-04-13/Dispatches. (This is a general warning given in all peer reviews, in view of previous problems that have risen over copyvios.)