Wikipedia:Peer review/Lad, A Dog/archive1

Lad, A Dog
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because this article is currently a good article, and I'd like to get feedback on what additional work it needs to bring it up to the featured article criteria before nominating it. I believe it is comprehensive and well-written, and its certainly neutral and stable. My biggest bit of concern, I'd guess, is if the article is "well-written".

Thanks, -- AnmaFinotera  (talk · contribs) 07:14, 10 January 2010 (UTC)

Comments from
 * You said you wanted to know what to work on before taking to FAC, so I looked at the sourcing and referencing with that in mind. I reviewed the article's sources as I would at FAC.
 * What makes the following reliable sources?
 * http://www.colliehealth.org/events.html
 * http://www.roadsideamerica.com/pet/ladadog.html
 * The Dixson ref needs a page number
 * Hope this helps. Please note that I don't watchlist Peer Reviews I've done. If you have a question about something, you'll have to drop a note on my talk page to get my attention. (My watchlist is already WAY too long, adding peer reviews would make things much worse.) 16:04, 11 January 2010 (UTC)
 * Thought I had replied here. Weird....Collie Health is an official division of the Collie Club of America. Roadside America is an online site run by Doug Kirby, Ken Smith, and Mike Wilkins, who originally published the Roadside America and The New Roadside America books. They have been well quoted and noted in various newspapers, including the Los Angeles Times, Chicago Tribune, and New York Times. Fixed the Dixson ref (had page numbers, param had a typo in it :-) ). -- AnmaFinotera  (talk · contribs) 10:12, 18 January 2010 (UTC)

Finetooth comments: Badly needs proofing for low-level errors that are quite disruptive.

Lead
 * "It was adapted into a theatrical film by Warner Brothers that was released on June 2, 1962." - Flip to active voice?

His Mate
 * "Lad, an eighty-pound rough collie... " - Add metric conversion? 80 lb?
 * "During one of their trips, Lady is caught in a leghold trap" - Wikilink leghold trap

"Quiet''
 * "Lad silently attacks him, and during the ensuing fight, the man cuts Lad with a knife, before falling through the window he'd entered in." - Delete "in"?

Lost
 * "Realizing he is lost, Lad makes his way towards him... " - "The Master" might be more clear than "him" in this sentence.

The Throwback
 * "Glure's herdsman apologies for earlier insulting Lad and Glure offers to trade Lad for Melisande." - "Apologizes"?

The Golden Hat
 * "Tired of his high-priced imported livestock losing in local shows, Glure concocts a dog show with a special gold cup for collies that requires competitors to be both an AKC blue ribbon winner and successfully complete a British working-sheep dog trial." - A bit awkward. Suggestion: "Tired of his high-priced imported livestock losing in local shows, Glure concocts a dog show with a gold cup for AKC blue-ribbon winners that complete a British trial for working sheep dogs."

Themes
 * "This is further reflect when Wolf takes on the raising of Wolf, with Lady reflected as the even tempered, rational method that reflects "discipline and firm kindliness" that results in Lad having a better relationship with his son versus with Lady, who is forgotten by her son after she leaves for a period." - "Further reflected" rather than "further reflect"? Recast because of repetition of "reflect" and other problems. To this point in the article, I proofread carefully and made quite a few corrections of typos, punctuation, and other small errors. I'd suggest a careful proofing of the rest of the article to pick up similar errors.
 * "When Knave destroys a beloved mounted Bald Eagle, the master breaks the rules of violence by preparing to beat her." - Isn't Knave a male? This doesn't sound like Terhune's sort of love triangle.
 * I think I should stop here and move on to another article. I'd be glad to take another look after the article is a bit more polished. Finetooth (talk) 19:17, 21 January 2010 (UTC)
 * Thanks. I've fixed those instances noted above and will give it another read through. -- AnmaFinotera  (talk · contribs) 19:34, 21 January 2010 (UTC)


 * Please ping me on my talk page when you'd like me to have another look. My initial impression is that the article will be be fine after a bit of polishing. The rough collies are certainly attractive subjects. Finetooth (talk) 02:34, 22 January 2010 (UTC)
 * Will do. I've printed it out so I can edit aloud offline. Sometimes helps with some of those mix ups of throwing in the wrong word in places :-P -- AnmaFinotera  (talk · contribs) 02:36, 22 January 2010 (UTC)
 * Finally done. -- AnmaFinotera  (talk · contribs) 01:55, 29 January 2010 (UTC)

Further Finetooth comments: Sorry, I see little improvement in the rate of low-level proofing errors. It might be that you've read the article so many times that you're seeing what ought to be there rather than what actually is there. Here's what I found in the first three paragraphs of the Themes section. I'd suggest getting a fresh pair of eyes to proofread the article carefully from top to bottom. Someone in the list at WP:PRV might be available.

Themes
 * "In interjecting himself and Anice into the novel... " - Is this the first mention of Anice? Perhaps, "In interjecting himself and Anice, his wife, into the novel... "?


 * "In interjecting himself and Anice into the novel, Terhune's Master was... " - Terhune's Master didn't interject; Terhune did.


 * "Through the humans in the stories attempts at explaining Lad's inexplicable actions using "mythologies of atavism", Terhune reflects his own views... " - Awkward.


 * "For example, in the story "His Little Son", Lad takes on the task raising of raising his son, using and even tempered, rational training... " - "the task raising of raising"? "using and even tempered"?


 * "In the end, Lad is stated to have stronger, love based relationship with his son... " - Mising word?


 * "As Terhune seems reticence to note the facts..." - "Reticent" rather than "reticence"?


 * "Lady's is never stated to actually go into heat"? - Lady rather than Lady's?


 * "instead the is told within the context of a "human courtly love triangle" - "the is told"?


 * "Though the numerous tenets of the Law forbidding violence in various forms... " - "Forbid" rather than "forbidding"?

Finetooth (talk) 18:01, 29 January 2010 (UTC)
 * Wow, didn't expect that I had made it worse :-( -- AnmaFinotera  (talk · contribs) 18:27, 29 January 2010 (UTC)