Wikipedia:Peer review/Liam Miller/archive1

Liam Miller
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because I would like to gain a broad perspective on how it can be improved.

Thanks,  Sunder  land  06   16:10, 10 April 2008 (UTC)

Comments from
ChrisTheDude (talk) 10:08, 11 April 2008 (UTC)
 * Done His name should be shown as William Peter "Liam" Miller, not with the "Liam" at the front
 * Improved flow Second paragraph of the lead is made up of very short, choppy sentences
 * Done Lead refers to MUFC as simply "Manchester", should be "Manchester United", the club is not referred to as "Manchester"
 * Corrected Martin O'Neill's name is spelt wrong
 * Corrected Influential is spelt wrong
 * Corrected "Miller is strong...." - should be "Miller is a strong...."
 * Corrected "Miller joined Celtic....and made his professional league debut for Celtic" - no reason to say Celtic twice here
 * Cited Alleged "outcry" from Celtic supporters is not sourced
 * Sourced In fact the whole MUFC section is completely unsourced
 * Removed stunning "stunning" 4-3 win is not NPOV
 * Removed in sentence starting "in July 2006" there's no reason to use his full name
 * Fixed Next sentence starts with "and", this is grammatically incorrect
 * Corrected No reason for capital s on "summer"
 * Removed "Miller has so far...." - as of when....?
 * I'm guessing that was vandalism, as Sunderland have never played Barcelona Wikilink Barcelona
 * Corrected "Liam Miller has been placed...." - again, no reason to use his full name
 * Removed "Several reports have linked...." - unsourced
 * Corrected "bizarrely" is spelt wrong
 * Done I think a much more in-depth explanation of the situation whereby he was suspended but still played is required - how was this allowed to come about? What were the ramifications for the team?
 * Done "where he a good run and a superb 25 yard shot rifled into the top of the net" - first bit is missing the word "had", also "good run" and "superb shot" are not NPOV
 * I will comment it out until he scores another Is an "international goals" table really required for a player who has only scored once?

Comments from
Hope that helps. Eddie6705 (talk) 20:15, 11 April 2008 (UTC)
 * There are a few short snappy sentances such as- It was made clear that Miller was not part of Alex Ferguson's plans, as, despite the huge number of senior players missing, he was still only a substitute, in the opening game of the Red Devils' tour of South Africa - which could be rearranged or split into two
 * Removed Does 'Cork, Ireland' need to be mentioned twice in the first sentance of background?
 * Removed -Why is the Red Devils in italics in the Manchester United paragraph but not the Leaving Old Trafford one?
 * Removed Link with Aberdeen is unsourced.
 * No, its the same match 'Sunderland went on to lose the match...' should be a new sentence.
 * On second looking, the above sentance has a comma in it, whereas a similar sentance later on in the paragraph has 'and' in it, 'and Sunderland went on to lose the game 2–0'.
 * So it doesn't look repetitive. Sunderland06 (talk)
 * Done 'he bizarrely played' should be new sentance.
 * Done Shouldn't 'even though' be put in before the section 'he was suspended after recieving...'?